this post was submitted on 18 Mar 2026
758 points (99.3% liked)

Funny

14426 readers
114 users here now

General rules:

Exceptions may be made at the discretion of the mods.

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] arrow74@lemmy.zip 114 points 1 week ago (3 children)

I hated the recruitment texts and calls. The high school and university apparently just give your information to recruiters.

[–] Decq@lemmy.world 94 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Wait, this a real thing? That's so... American I guess.

[–] peoplebeproblems@midwest.social 54 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Yep. It's actually the whole reason we have phy ed.

Basically if you get federal funds, you have to do what the federal says.

[–] Decq@lemmy.world 30 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I see, I always assumed it was either people giving their info themselves or others did to prank you. I guess it makes sense for a country who loves perpetual war.

[–] otter@lemmy.dbzer0.com 16 points 1 week ago (3 children)

The "country" doesn't, the pedo class does.

load more comments (3 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] underisk@lemmy.ml 32 points 1 week ago (1 children)

one of them tried to corner me into agreeing to let him come pick me up and talk in person. probably because he felt it would make me more compliant if alone with him. like a child predator.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 15 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Yeah, but if you go to a good high school they send recruiters who may tell you to commission instead of only to enlist

And no they don't take "ineligible" for an answer. I didn't want to die for oil, but even if I did they wouldn't let me, but they also wouldn't leave me alone.

[–] otter@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 1 week ago

I hear one can take the ASFAB, book the follow-up interviews, etc., but drop the mic on the pre-boot questionnaire that tries to suss out your "conscientious objector" leanings and never have to worry about another spam call/email (barring a draft). Or, so I hear. It's been decades, now. 😜🤌🏼

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 13 points 1 week ago (1 children)

did you take the Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery? One day "off" of classes in exchange for taking the military test. In exchange, you give the military your contact information yourself.

i did not take the test. i got way fewer recruitment letters and calls than my friends.

[–] arrow74@lemmy.zip 10 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Nope I did not take it nor was I involved in anything like ROTC either.

Calls started being sent to our landline and my parents cellphones which were listed with the high school. After going to university is when they began coming to my cell phone.

[–] sad_detective_man@sopuli.xyz 10 points 1 week ago (6 children)

It would be really funny if they did it based on grades

load more comments (6 replies)
[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 64 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (2 children)

"so i understand you take men in your military. did you have to be born that way?" got them to stop calling me altogether back during DADT.

[–] explodicle@sh.itjust.works 21 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I told them I was a conscientious objector in 2001 and never heard from any of them ever again.

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 23 points 1 week ago

when "I am not going to join, please stop calling" doesn't work, you have to know the actual magic words.

[–] cactusupyourbutt@lemmy.world 11 points 1 week ago (1 children)

unfortunately I fear that gets you put on a list you dont want to be on

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] suzyq@lemmy.dbzer0.com 56 points 1 week ago (4 children)

Oldest child was contacted via text by a recruiter. We told them to waste their time. Say "yes, I'll talk to you about it if you treat ME to a meal at [local restaurant]." (emphasis mine)

The recruiter ghosted them after that.

We had an army recruiter come talk to our history class in high school (this was in the '80s). After the guy's talk he said "any questions"?" My friend Rob said "yeah, I have a question: does napalm still stick to kids?"

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] JayleneSlide@lemmy.world 49 points 1 week ago (1 children)

"I mean, I wanna—I wanna kill. Kill. I wan—I wanna see, I wanna see blood and gore and guts and veins in my teeth. Eat dead burnt bodies. I mean kill. Kill. Kill! Kill!" And I started jumpin' up and down yelling, "Kill! Kill!" and he started jumpin' up and down with me and we was both jumpin' up and down yelling, "Kill! Kill!" And the sergeant came over, pinned a medal on me, sent me down the hall, and said, "You're our boy."‎ Didn't feel too good about it.‎

[–] village604@adultswim.fan 15 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I'm pretty sure it's not, but this feels like something from Full Metal Jacket.

[–] Jomega@lemmy.world 32 points 1 week ago (1 children)

It's from the song Alice's Restaurant.

[–] X@piefed.world 44 points 1 week ago

I bet b he’s good buddies with SSG Leaudrag.

[–] InnerScientist@lemmy.world 33 points 1 week ago (2 children)
[–] upbeatdingo@piefed.world 33 points 1 week ago

Is that Barbados Slim?

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] NotSteve_@piefed.ca 33 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (4 children)

Do military recruiters actually just cold call (well, text) you like that in the US?

[–] DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social 33 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Yes, and of course they're allowed to lie to children as well

[–] LogicalDrivel@sopuli.xyz 17 points 1 week ago

The Army came to my highschool my senior year and put on an exhibition. They had Humvees and APCs and a massive wall of speakers that would make a passerby deaf at 40 yards. You were able to get out of class if you went to the event and listened to their pitch. I was one of like 4 kids who didn't go. Parents weren't told about this in advance, and there were recruiters there with pens waiting.
TBF, my school did have JROTC program but still... I think thats what set off my long history of being anti-that.

[–] NotSteve_@piefed.ca 9 points 1 week ago (1 children)

That's crazy but not really surprising to me anymore for the States I guess. I think I've only ever seen an army recruiter once in my life and it was a booth at a convention semi recently

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] resting_parrot@sh.itjust.works 13 points 1 week ago

Yeah, I got a call when I was sixteen or so several years ago. They strung me along for quite a while just acting like they knew me. I was trying to figure out how I knew them and finally they said they were a recruiter and I told them I wasn't interested. I wish I told him to fuck off, but that's not the kind of kind I was.

[–] Jankatarch@lemmy.world 11 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (3 children)

They even come to your highschool class during lesson time to talk with everyone about why military is awesome and you should totally join.

There was also a few month duration each year where army members would setup a table in your school cafetaria and give snacks for talking about military or taking surveys etc.

[–] NotSteve_@piefed.ca 8 points 1 week ago

That's actually fucking absurd wow. I was in the Canadian Air Cadets as a kid and even then I didn't see that level of recruiting. Like even when doing Cadet basic training on an actual air base, it was always just learning drill, shooting, and about how planes worked. I've never in my life been asked or had it suggested to me that I join the military

load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] samus12345@sh.itjust.works 33 points 1 week ago
[–] Benchamoneh@lemmy.dbzer0.com 23 points 1 week ago (2 children)

"Have you considered applying for ICE?"

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] QueenHawlSera@sh.itjust.works 22 points 1 week ago (3 children)

I actually wanted to join the military fresh out of high school but I was informed by my recruiter that they don't take autistic people

[–] DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social 24 points 1 week ago (8 children)

Well that's a damn lie but hey, bullets dodged

load more comments (8 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] b0ber@lemmy.world 21 points 1 week ago (6 children)

So you have a heartbeat? Please meet me outside

load more comments (6 replies)
[–] Olgratin_Magmatoe@slrpnk.net 17 points 1 week ago (2 children)

When I was working retail, stocking shelves, one of those scumbags walked up to me and asked "so is this what you want to do for your life, are you happy here?"

Like what the fuck.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] jj4211@lemmy.world 17 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Join the army, see the world, meet interesting people, kill them

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] anton@lemmy.blahaj.zone 17 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Soooooo, at what day do you get your own grenades?

[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 8 points 1 week ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] ShaggySnacks@lemmy.myserv.one 15 points 1 week ago

"Are you saying I can take skulls and spill blood? If so, sign me up! I gotta make Daddy Khorne pleased."

[–] TipRing@lemmy.world 15 points 1 week ago (5 children)

The bar has been low for at least 30 years. Marine recruiter wouldn't leave me alone even after I started hitting on him.

load more comments (5 replies)
[–] jeniferariza@lemmy.world 10 points 1 week ago

That reply alone should’ve been the end of the conversation 😭

[–] Smaile@lemmy.ca 8 points 1 week ago

at least the SSG still has his sense of humor

I assume everyone has heard the Arlo Guthrie thanksgiving song. "I wanna kill, kill, kill, kill!" "You're our boy."

[–] Lololi123@lemmy.world 8 points 1 week ago

in Russia, they agitate during their studies, promising a diploma) I can already see how such a person who has received a diploma in this way will work well in education.

load more comments
view more: next ›