I have a cat who likes to hunt insects, dust mites, shoe laces, and charging cables at night.
And she's pretty clumsy.
My list of approved house sounds is very long.
this post was submitted on 13 Jun 2026
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Nah. I have a layer of abstraction. He will assess any aunauthorised house sounds. Harshly.
He looks loud.
Listen, thst dog ain't assing anything except a boot in the face. The average mall ninja has a machete that will corportulate that furry fuck in 1.87 seconds, flat. Even sound, because there are Buddhas who are fucking on your coffee table at .1 picometers and they WILL make a noise when they want to teach you how to perceive n undo the karmic fetters that bind one to the existence-illusion complex, obviously.
Are......are you okay?
This is what Jim Carey wants me to do.
That's nice, dear.
Woof.
When i'm turdating in my bed I sure scare myself when I make a noise the house is physically incapable of producing
Yup. And once you experience a breakin, you will suffer this forever...
Wife coming to bed? Nope. Clearly must be another break in. Obvious wind? Grab the pepper spray you keep under the bed and scan the room as your heart pounds. Literally nothing? Let's wake up in a start and double check that the doors are double locked and barred.
Yeah, I wouldn't wish it on anyone
Or an earthquake. You will have fear every time it happens, for the rest of your life
I just suffered childhood trauma involving my narcissistic father always knowing what floortile of the kitchen I was standing on.
My recliner makes a creaking noise whenever I fully recline it. The other day I was napping in it, fully reclined already, when I heard the creaking noise. Way to fucking ruin a great nap.
This has aroused me
the pitty patter of little squirrel feet on the roof for instance. mean i have more tree trimming to do.
The little fucks love scampering.
I hate them.
(I also do nothing to stop them so it's on me)
not only that, but if they get in, they will shred a rafter to nest with
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Oh that sound was just the radiator banging. Wait a second, we have electric heat...
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10x worse with cats. What the fuck have you gotten into…
My cat actually saved me from a break in by straight up attacking the dude.
I was sleeping on the couch in my trailer and suddenly woke up to my cat yowling and some dude screaming and by the time I realized what was going on the guy had already run out the door with my cat right behind him.
Kitty cut deep too cause there was blood spatter on the door frame where dude grabbed it while running away.
I need a cat…
Good kitty!! My girls have saved me more than once, people underestimate how much they love and protect us💝
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I sometimes wonder if attributing every weird noise to the cat is dangerous. I'll hear something and think "ah, it's just the cat" and go back to sleep without checking.
*gun cocking noises"
meh, probably the cat.
Anyone who's ever owned cats wouldn't think twice about their ability to cock a gun.
The cat was getting ready for the revolution.
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Just get cats! Then you can just blame all strange noises on them.
My problem is that my landlord would make random unscheduled visits with his dogs. I assumed it was him or his dog. It was a home invader, who found the front door unlocked. My landlord left it unlocked. I know it was him, because I parked in the back and never used the front door.
You probably know by now but the landlord just entering your rented space is illegal in many countries. In many parts of the world you can change the lock even so only you have access.
My cat once deterred a home intruder back when I lived in a very shitty first floor apartment across the street from several very cheap bars. I had a rack of DVD's by the front door next to a small table like area where I'd put my keys. My cat would be sitting there when I got home, or when outside sounds got interesting, and occasionally he would knock over that DVD rack when he'd leap away, especially if a loud sound scared him.
then one time I got home to a busted lock and a slightly open door. I tried to run in, but that dvd rack had fallen forward from him kicking off of it, bounced off the wall, and landed between the door and the wall, essentially wedging it closed. I had to hulk it open, crushing the dvd rack, but that had kept the intruder from actually getting in. My cat was panting in panic, so it probably happened only minutes before I got there. I made sure that cat lived like a king for 15 more years.
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Home maintenance is 98% keeping the water where it belongs and out of where it doesn't.
After decades of it, any deviation, whether sound or creak or mark or moisture, gets my immediate attention like a frugal, OCD prairie dog intent on minimizing the cost of whatever impending home disaster is about to cost it thousands of dollars.
One morning I had a sleep paralysis while heat radiator was audibly leaking water. Woken up by sound of slowly unfolding emergency, but unable to do anything about it, even take a look, what a timing.
Anyway, when I finally was finally able to look, nothing was out of ordinary. It was just a sleep paralysis hallucination, either fully fabricated or creatively reinterpreting sounds of water in pipes from some works
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