this post was submitted on 16 Jun 2026
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okmatewanker

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Obviously satire, dozy wankers

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[โ€“] Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world 1 points 1 hour ago

This is literally the most polarised comment section I've seen. Both sides of the argument for and against the killing are getting downvotes out the wazoo

[โ€“] LemmyFeed@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

To be fair you could probably one punch a seagull and one punch seems completely reasonable for something stealing your pastry.

[โ€“] OldChicoAle@lemmy.world -2 points 5 hours ago

Animal cruelty is a sign of psychopathy. You're probably kidding, but the idea triggers me a little

[โ€“] Godric@lemmy.world 42 points 14 hours ago
[โ€“] Feathercrown@lemmy.world 29 points 15 hours ago

I don't agree, but I understand

[โ€“] Jankatarch@lemmy.world 1 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

Isn't this like an early sign of early psychopaths? To kill animals without remorse.

[โ€“] HasturInYellow@lemmy.world 5 points 4 hours ago* (last edited 4 hours ago)

No, they go looking for them.

[โ€“] i_ben_fine@midwest.social 17 points 15 hours ago (3 children)
[โ€“] HubertManne@piefed.social -2 points 13 hours ago

yeah its something where me and my friends would be laughing so hard.

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[โ€“] spacegoat@lemmy.world -3 points 6 hours ago

If weโ€™re talking Michigan pasties, then not only is it justified itโ€™s moral

[โ€“] 4am@lemmy.zip 23 points 21 hours ago

Shoudinta pinched me chip

[โ€“] BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 10 points 19 hours ago (4 children)

You can't do that? I thought it was pretty badass, actually.

I'm an animal lover, but seagulls are a different story. They're the MAGAs of the bird world, and it's okay to smack one around if you catch one stealing from you.

[โ€“] OldChicoAle@lemmy.world 1 points 5 hours ago

So you're not really an animal lover

[โ€“] certified_expert@lemmy.world 15 points 15 hours ago* (last edited 15 hours ago) (1 children)

They're the MAGAs of the bird world

lol

[โ€“] Janx@piefed.social 0 points 3 hours ago (1 children)

I grew up around the great salt lake where there are hordes of these mother fuckers, if you donโ€™t despise them as the devil spawn that they are then youโ€™ve never had to deal with them. I love animals, but I would support a seagull specific genocide.

[โ€“] LePoisson@lemmy.world 3 points 15 hours ago (4 children)

Nah they're protected species in the UK. Idk what the law looks like elsewhere. It does seem a little cruel to punch the bird and it not die and then leave it to go wander off and die from its internal injuries. I'd have more respect it dude just broke its neck and have it a quick death.

Kind of reminds me of Canadian geese in the USA, I wish I could kill those bastards but they're protected. I don't know if it's possible to get a license to kill them or not, depends on how they're protected and the legislation around it - I'm too lazy to bother with any of that and don't hunt so wouldn't go through the hoops anyways. Those things are a menace and mean as hell a lot of times but you just live with it.

I'm curious now though if the USA has protections for seagulls or not.

[โ€“] iocase@lemmy.zip 1 points 7 hours ago

You can hunt Canadian geese in Canada ironically. They're apparently not bad eating and the bag limit is 2-4 depending on which province.

[โ€“] LovableSidekick@lemmy.world 3 points 14 hours ago (4 children)

Yes, all types of gulls are protected by US federal law.

[โ€“] GarboDog@lemmy.world 1 points 1 hour ago

Seagulls and most other gull birds are not protected under federal law, however disrupting/modifying wildlife of any kind (including seagulls) without a permit is illegal. However on a state level some do protect many gulls including seagulls while also controlling their population to reduce nuisance.

Then you have places like Florida, where seagulls are not even protected under the local animal cruelty act. You could torture them for being the scavenger animals they are and not get into any trouble at all. Itโ€™s really sickening.

[โ€“] blargh513@sh.itjust.works 2 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

What? Why? There are literal flock of seagulls. We ain't gonna run out of em.

[โ€“] iocase@lemmy.zip 1 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

Exactly! Are fucking rats protected under federal law now too?

[โ€“] iamericandre@lemmy.world 2 points 2 hours ago

See the slush fund and current administration

[โ€“] CarstenBoll@feddit.dk 3 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

In Denmark they're everywhere in the cities too, only thing more frequent then these shitbirds is rats.

[โ€“] LovableSidekick@lemmy.world 1 points 13 hours ago

In seattle seagulls are rain forcasters. When you hear their cries, rain is usually on the way within an hour or two.

[โ€“] LePoisson@lemmy.world 2 points 13 hours ago

Well there goes my dreams of building the ultimate gull crushing machine :(

[โ€“] phoenixz@lemmy.ca 1 points 12 hours ago (3 children)

... Why do you have this need to harm animals for behaving like animals? Did your mother not love you or something?

Seriously, you think it's normal wanting to kill animals just because something a few of them did annoyed you?

They didn't attack you

They didn't shit all over you

And even if they did... It's animals doing their thing, just let them. Whatever you think these birds did to you I guarantee you that humanity has treated them a hundred times worse. If anything, birds do have a reason to kill us

[โ€“] Mpatch@lemmy.world 1 points 4 hours ago

You forget, we are animals. And deep inside we still have those primal moments. Where don't fuck with my chip or I'll fuck you into the afterlife.

[โ€“] 0x0@infosec.pub 2 points 9 hours ago* (last edited 9 hours ago)

Why are you trying to lecture that animal about animals? Did he shit all over you?

[โ€“] iocase@lemmy.zip 0 points 7 hours ago

Found the Jainist

[โ€“] yakko@feddit.uk 2 points 15 hours ago (2 children)

They are a protected species, you know

[โ€“] iocase@lemmy.zip 4 points 7 hours ago

I'm sure some of them are but they're an entire subfamily with dozens of genus and hundreds of species. Considering some are seemingly more common than rats, the chance he plucked an endangered one out of the air and punched it is really low.

[โ€“] davidagain@lemmy.world 1 points 14 hours ago

No, no they are not.

[โ€“] Truscape@lemmy.blahaj.zone 17 points 1 day ago (2 children)
[โ€“] Malyca@lemmy.zip 4 points 13 hours ago

Sometimes I think guys just aren't aware that you can't just kill things for stealing your chip

[โ€“] Lucidlethargy@sh.itjust.works 2 points 14 hours ago (4 children)

Weird day on Lemmy when animal murder is being celebrated.

Killing animals (without eating them) is serial killer shit.

You havenโ€™t had to deal with seagulls and it shows.

[โ€“] NigelFrobisher@aussie.zone 3 points 7 hours ago

How do you know he didnโ€™t eat it?

[โ€“] Martineski@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 14 hours ago

Eh, factory farming is messed up too even if you eat the bodies.

[โ€“] pilferjinx@piefed.social 2 points 13 hours ago

If any animal fucks around, they have to expect to find out. Feels like a golden rule situation.

[โ€“] reallyzen@lemmy.ml 14 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)
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[โ€“] LovableSidekick@lemmy.world 1 points 14 hours ago

well he's roit now innit

[โ€“] the_riviera_kid@lemmy.world 3 points 18 hours ago

Seagull fucked around and found out.

Completely reasonable and understandable

[โ€“] nothx@hexbear.net 0 points 12 hours ago

This looks like the kind of guy who has experience punching things.

[โ€“] NaibofTabr@infosec.pub 4 points 23 hours ago (1 children)
[โ€“] P1k1e@lemmy.world 6 points 17 hours ago

Rats ain't nearly as loud about being a pest

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