Ask Lemmy

Sounds like you're dating already.

if he is not wealthy then yeah he is into you.

This beyond showing interest. You may be unaware but you are dating. You went on a movie date. You're going on a fishing date on Sunday. That's dating, we've just forgotten what that is as like a society.

Gender swapped, but still appropriate for the topic:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xa-4IAR_9Yw

Yes.

Fellas, this proves we're not the only dumb ones when it comes to noticing someone is into us.

Yea he's into you. Either that or he's trying to get into your pants really quickly. Up to you to figure that out, whether he just wants to fuck or if he wants an actual nice relationship.

Lots of people taking about red flags and shit.

Just talk to him. Be honest with what you feel and ask what he's thinking and where he sees your friendship/relationship/feeling going.

Don't listen to people online who have no idea about your specific situation.

Yes this is called showing interest.

He's nuts about you.

I am a former 19 year old man. Trust me.

Indeed he is trying to impress you, and spending his money may be a goofy way of telling you how he feels without the need to speak.

He may not know how to word things gracefully, keep in mind that it could be stressful for him as well.

Maybe at some point telling him that you can buy your own things, and that it is not the reason why you're spending time with him, could lead to a more constructive discussion... If you're not afraid to have it, that is

Yes, he likes you.

I would be cautious, this sort of behavior is unusual, even for someone who likes you. The reason behind it is up for interpretation. In the most generous interpretation, he doesn't know how to act either and is attempting to hint that he likes you. In the most uncharitable interpretation, he is attempting to lovebomb someone who doesn't have the experience to recognize the red flag.

Either way, I would approach with caution, because you don't need to be malicious in order to be abusive. That is to say, abuse very rarely occur because someone is actively trying to manipulate you. Typically, it occurs because someone has an unrealistic expectation of how relationships work in practice, and this expectation biases their actions and judgment (funnily enough, Obsession is about this exact theme).

What this means is that inexperienced people are typically more likely to be abusive just by sheer virtue of not understanding what a relationship is like. I don't want to be overly negative - I want to be clear that it's possible that he's just also inexperienced and that he is wise enough to learn quickly.

If you want to interpret his actions charitably and if you want to give him a chance, then I would highly recommend you have a good conversation at the very beginning about your (and his) expectations of a relationship, both in the short term (ie, what do you expect the other person to do in x/y situation? Is there anything that the other person may do or may stop doing that would cause you to feel upset?) and in the long term (ie, do you have compatible life goals? Do you expect that you will have a long distance relationship at some point in the future? Would you be OK with that?). Don't be scared to talk about uncomfortable or shameful subjects - it's better to get these questions sorted now than to sort them out later, when shit has already hit the fan.

And, also be aware that because both of you are likely to be inexperienced, both of your expectations are almost certainly going to change over time, and so it will be a good idea to build a habit of checking in once in a while to see if those expectations have changed

One final but irrelevant advice: hold off on sexual intimacy. It's important to build a relationship around life habits rather than just sex. That, and people will typically be guarded when in a new relationship. It typically takes about 1 year of close contact before someone starts to lower their guard, and 2 years before someone fully shows who they are (this also happens to be why most relationships last 2 years). I guarantee, the worst thing you can ever do in a relationship is to have sexual contact with someone who turns it to be crazy. It's going to be hard to hold off, I get it. Been there, done that. But it's vitally important for the overall health of the relationship to not have sexual intimacy for at minimum 6 months, and ideally at least longer than a year

A lot of good advice in this thread for some very thoughtful people. OP I want you to practice setting some boundaries with this guy even if you like him and continue seeing him.

Tell him no about things sometimes. Like “no, I can buy that myself”. Make sure he respects your wishes about minor things and has even, level-headed emotionally mature reactions to your boundaries.

He likes you. Maybe wise to slow him down a bit and see how reacts on that. My 18 year old daughter had a thing with a boy who overwhelmed her with gifts and paying for everything. It made her feel a bit uncomfortable and when she told him he plaued the guilt card. She ended up dumping him.

I love it and i can't stop thinking about him

That's the point.

As a 30M European, I'd say red flag. Committing like this on a first "date" is kind of unusual. Buying tickets, snacks, and books while - derived from context - meeting for the first time.

I'd look out and watch closely, don't let shiny things blind you, and enjoy the moments.

Yes. But be aware of love bombing too. Good luck and enjoy the romance :)

I wonder if your friends told him it was a blind date without telling you about it.

Holy fuck this thread. It's amazing half of you have ever dated.

Yes he likes you. Holy fuck the screeches about red flags from nerds 🤣, seems to want impress you.