Friends of friends, shared interests, dog.
this post was submitted on 28 Jun 2026
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Find a hobby that you enjoy that is remotely social, then perform said hobby and comment on it with other people, after talking with the same person a bit ask their name, try not to jump the gun but after a few times of talking with them casually see if they want to do X hobby together then after doing the hobby together for a bit ask them to do something after the hobby one day like get food
Then once you become friends try and meet their friends then kill the original person and steal all of their friends, you can then repeat this until you have enough friends or someone kills you
At the end of the day you make social hobbies happen and the friends come with that
I've made several friends over the last 10 years (I'm in mid 40s for reference). Some are my kid's friend's parents, some are work colleagues - male and female friends. Generally bond over shared trauma (children and shit that that happens at work) and then keep up the conversation on other shared interests (gardening, history, geology, bread, wine etc.)
But it takes work and support to keep friendships going and many don't want to put in the effort. It's not like the friendships you had as a kid where you can now, 30 years later, not talk for the majority of the year and then shoot a message and be instantly transported back to being 15 again.
Build hard stuff together for fun.
Share "boozy" times and jokes or maybe an epic monster meal if they don't drink...
LAN parties.
Sports (playing and/or watching)
...
Cooking (usually meat) in a fire/barbecuing?
Unfortunately still requires the social bit. I’ve been doing a lot of cooking, especially outside. I’ve made meals fit for a dozen or more ….. but I don’t know how to find someone to eat it
I mean...maybe https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tailgate_party or volunteering for things you care about or local clubs.
PS: also, first you make acquaintances, then you "build" friendships, it's hard to do both at once quickly.
Beats me. I'm just commenting to see if anyone does.
It’s easy. Men are just big kids who connect through shared hobbies. Whenever my brother sails his Bering Marine BM28 CC, he always meets new people.
Prerequisite: Groom reasonably well. Nobody wants to be friends with someone who stinks or looks filthy. Shower, deodorant, brush your teeth, wear clean clothes that fit you, have some dignity in general.
Then I think the key is to have hobbies and engage in those hobbies in some kind of group. Go out and take a class or join an event of some kind. Make an effort to listen and talk to people (don't talk without listening, and don't overwhelm people with infodumps). Give people a complement. Wear your hobbies on your sleeve, and make it clear what you're into so that other people (if you're into video games, wear gaming merch or culture stuff. If you're into metal music, wear metal band merch.)
There's a fine balance between playing it cool and fading into the background because you're hiding who you are. You've gotta be a little bit cringe to be yourself in public, but if you lay it on too thick it can be a turnoff.
I’ve made a lot of friends just being “out” somewhat regularly. I have a few favorite bars/breweries in the area that I’ll just bring my book to and hang out reading at the bar. Even doing a solitary activity in public ends up getting me into conversations, usually with people who share similar interests.
One of the best advice I have ever got is when you talk to people is ask their names after giving yours. It turns people you meet into the start of being friends. It shows you care to know more about them.
Is this what I'm doing wrong? I hate telling strangers my name.
It’s definitely worth practicing, and the earlier you do it in an interaction the easier. If I’m chatting with someone for more than a minute or two, or we talk about something more interesting than casual small talk, I’ll just extend my hand and say “I’m by the way.” It’s never resulted in anything other than them shaking my hand and telling me their name.
Usually they want my name to try to sell me something. Usually solar panels. Sometimes cell phone service
It's more difficult for people to address you if they don't know your name. If someone sees you again after your first meeting, do you want them to come up and say "Hey... you! What's up?"
Yeah, why wouldn't I?
Clubbing/live shows.