this post was submitted on 29 Jan 2026
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[–] Rom@hexbear.net 95 points 3 days ago (9 children)

Anderson said he had weapons in his bag, and inside the bag was a barbecue fork and a pizza cutter, according to the criminal complaint.

dude was springing him from the can to take him to a barbecue lmao

[–] Rojo27@hexbear.net 56 points 3 days ago

This reads like one of those "dangerous weapons confiscated" the PDs put up on X.

[–] FlakesBongler@hexbear.net 40 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I stabbed myself with a BBQ fork once and it wasn't even that bad

I say this as someone who once got shot with a crossbow

[–] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 28 points 3 days ago (1 children)

What did Daryl from the walking dead miss a zombie and hit you?

[–] FlakesBongler@hexbear.net 31 points 3 days ago (1 children)

His name was Greg and he was drunk

Pulled a classic "Hey, check this out" and nailed me right on the collarbone

Fuckin' hurt

[–] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 18 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Ouchies...did you have to go to the hospital?

[–] FlakesBongler@hexbear.net 41 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Oh yeah, had to get stitches because the bolt hit the bone, glanced off and tore a big gash across my front shoulder region

Went to the ER, gave them a fake name and address and snuck out without paying

Hid it from my family until it healed and never hung out with Greg again

[–] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 42 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Went to the ER, gave them a fake name and address and snuck out without paying

waow-based

[–] FlakesBongler@hexbear.net 32 points 3 days ago (5 children)

It sounds a lot more impressive than it was

I literally was told to walk down the hallway to the billing desk and I just didn't stop

[–] D61@hexbear.net 21 points 3 days ago (1 children)

"Free medical care with this one simple trick!" screm-pretty

[–] FlakesBongler@hexbear.net 18 points 3 days ago (1 children)
[–] Commiechameleon@hexbear.net 16 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Watch how this millennial (idk) is singlehandedly destroying the healthcare business empire

[–] FlakesBongler@hexbear.net 12 points 3 days ago (1 children)
[–] Commiechameleon@hexbear.net 13 points 3 days ago

farnsworth Dw I'm also old now

[–] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 19 points 3 days ago (1 children)
[–] Commiechameleon@hexbear.net 19 points 3 days ago

Oh no the humanity, won't anyone think of the precious healthcare ceos and their crusade to paywall life saving care

[–] ElChapoDeChapo@hexbear.net 15 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Did that with a therapist I hated once, never went back

[–] corgiwithalaptop@hexbear.net 11 points 3 days ago

Homie I owe my last therapist like $700 but he was a dick about me leaving him so lol good luck getting that money. I paid off one therapist that got sent to collections, so when it ultimately goes there, its net 0

[–] GalaxyBrain@hexbear.net 10 points 3 days ago (1 children)

You are an Elder Scrolls playable character.

[–] FlakesBongler@hexbear.net 6 points 3 days ago

I do be walking around, eating cheese and stealing stuff

[–] booty@hexbear.net 11 points 3 days ago (2 children)

I wonder if they noticed like 10 minutes later "hey, shouldn't we have seen that one person with the crossbow injury stop by here?" or if they were just so disorganized that no one ever noticed.

I've been in hospitals where I'm pretty sure they'd have caught me before I reached the door, and in other hospitals that I don't think they would ever notice

[–] FlakesBongler@hexbear.net 12 points 3 days ago

It was actually a fairly busy night at the hospital

Had the fortune to be injured the day there was a big fight at Summerfest

[–] Commiechameleon@hexbear.net 9 points 3 days ago

Plan your next hospital visit during shift change and they'll never even know sans-shrug

[–] booty@hexbear.net 38 points 3 days ago

It's finally time. grillman is based now.

[–] comrade_pibb@hexbear.net 31 points 3 days ago (1 children)
[–] Grapho@lemmy.ml 3 points 3 days ago

Not enough butter knives

[–] GalaxyBrain@hexbear.net 15 points 3 days ago

You attach the bbq fork to the pizza wheel and you've got yourself a hook and handle to zip line to safety and comfort

[–] MaoTheLawn@hexbear.net 15 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

Bethesda storytelling

[–] FnordPrefect@hexbear.net 15 points 3 days ago

kelly Two guys, a (dead) ghoul, and a pizza cutter

[–] Evilphd666@hexbear.net 2 points 2 days ago

matt-grillin Let's get Luigi outta there!