The presidential candidate has faced previously undisclosed health issues, including a parasite that he said ate part of his brain.
So...we have 3 candidates for president, of which
-One claims a literal worm ate part of his brain
-One cannot get off more than 4 sentences before becoming incoherent, has been ruled to be unable to be tried due to poor memory, and cannot keep names or places straight
-One thinks humans have a finite amount of energy and has used this as reason to not exercise, claims wind turbines cause cancer
All are pro capitalist, xenophobic, racist, pro war goons
What variety
One thinks humans have a finite amount of energy and has used this as reason to not exercise
has this man never heard of eating
You think any of these dullards currently has the intellect to think end to end on anything?
RFK thinks from one end to the other of that worm, for sure
Afroman is running too!
By far the most qualified candidate. gg ez
At least two are rapists as well
That we know about.
Most important election of our lifetime ^Tm^
I legitimately cannot tell which one is which (only somewhat joking).
Come on Jack, it's your duty as a member of the voting public to know the candidates
Biden was NOT technically 'declared unfit to stand trial' as every liberal publication screamed about, but the special counsel did say this:
Hur’s report referred numerous times to Biden’s memory as “limited,” claiming the 81-year-old did not remember the dates of his vice presidency and when his son Beau died
“At trial, Mr Biden would likely present himself to a jury, as he did during our interview of him, as a sympathetic, well-meaning, elderly man with a poor memory”...“It would be difficult to convince a jury that they should convict him — by then a former president well into his eighties — of a serious felony that requires a mental state of willfulness.”
I dunno, there's a pretty thin line between 'able to credibly convince people he is unable to stand trial' and 'is actually unable to stand trial'
Trump thought people worked like energizer batteries
Trump believed the human body was like a battery, with a finite amount of energy, which exercise only depleted
Also claims the noise from wind power causes cancer
If you have a windmill anywhere near your house, congratulations, your house just went down 75 percent in value. And they say the noise causes cancer
So which one will it be, the one who had a worm eating his brain, the one who is essentially considered unfit to stand trial due to memory issues, or the one who thinks people are like D cell batteries?
Not true, you also have increasingly homophobic ancaps, guys who think Trump isn’t racist enough, and two socdems who could’ve just ran a unified campaign if they were smart about this shit
If you’re lucky you might have the PSL (or maybe the prohibition party if your state is awful enough and you’ve lost everything you have to irony poisoning)
Capitalism leads to great variety due to its superior innovation.
AND IT'S A DEAD WORM? I BET THE POOR GUY STARVED TO DEATH HAHAHAHA
Roasted
Three presidential candidates with serious brain health issues and are all nearly indistinguishable from each other on policy. Don't you love democracy
Folks the fake news comm exists for a re-
Wait WHAT? Literal brainworms is an actual headline? 
I think it's time to take satire out back and shoot it. It can't keep up.
they starved to death lmao gottem
I knew he had brain worms, but not literal brain worms. Though it looks like the mercury poisoning did more actual damage.
Jair Bolsonaro eat your heart out
He got a brain eating parasite and it literally starved to death lmao 
What did the worm think was going to happen when it crawled into the head of a Kennedy.
archive link to the article so you can avoid supporting the transphobic New York Times: https://web.archive.org/web/20240508143804/https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/08/us/rfk-jr-brain-health-memory-loss.html
adding the keyword 'rfk' to brb
Welp time to close up shop at the ol' jokes factory, we're out of business.
God it would be so funny if there was no article. If he just said this to the press and didn't elaborate. No body, just the headline "man has brainworms"
"Had brain worms but they died"
i guess his yeerk couldn't get to the kandrona pools
And here I was thinking that libs having brainworms is just a figure of speech.
Imagine writng for The Onion with a reality like this.
Their benefits team needs to include 90 days per year of drug and alcohol rehab, because I assume everyone has to get wasted constantly to make things make sense.
How'd he get a brain parasite?
liberalism
All those people over the years who have said "literal brain worms" to refer to people with figurative brain worms must be feelin real crunchy rn
Dude is speedrunning Baldur's Gate.
I'm not the most brainwormed anymore 
The joke writes itself.
I thought they used ivermectin for this.
Holy shit it's real
reality fucking rocks lmfao
Damn I hope its the vaccine one
ok so he had brainworms. they're dead now, what's the problem don't we ask for this?
Banned? DM Wmill to appeal.
No anti-nautilism posts. See: Eco-fascism Primer
Slop posts go in c/slop. Don't post low-hanging fruit here.
