Welcome to /c/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns, an anti-capitalist meme community for transgender and gender diverse people.
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SALUTE
I have barely watched Breaking Bad
Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.
Let's have another good week everyone 
Wish I had more positive stuff to share :(
declining mental health, self-harm, suicidal feelings, medical gatekeeping
I'm less isolated and lonely now that I'm back at my parents place, but overall my mental health is still getting worse. The cutting has increased, and I'm becoming suicidal. I've been hesitant to talk to a mental health professional about this, since I fear it will lead to gender affirming care being gatekept from me, but now I see that I'm going to be gatekept regardless, so fuck it.
I honestly don't know how it will help though, the root causes are not something that can just be fixed with therapy. Maybe they'll give me antidepressants and that will somehow magically give me the ability to get my shit together, idk...
Talking with someone about concerts and I realized I now regret not going to more stuff pre-covid. Now it's too risky and too expensive 
my sewing machine is broken. i've diagnosed the problem but i have no idea how to fix it. idk if it's even possible to fix by myself. but to see a sewing machine technician would be so much money.
idk what to do, i was on such a roll with learning how to pattern draft too. i had just drafted my first bodice block and was making a mock-up to fit it to myself. do i handsew all my garments until i work out a solution to this. ughhhhhhh
intrusive thoughts and OCD
My OCD makes it so hard to just feel content with my identity. Like what if Iβm secretly still repressing? Yeah, okay, intrusive thought, whatever.
But then it digs its way in and convinces me that my current identity is the result of the intrusive thoughts worming their way in. I am simultaneously completely cis and also significantly more feminine than I thought depending on what mood my OCD is in. Itβs maddening.
Have a cough and a froggy voice and discovering I can do a good Emperor Palpatine voice now and saying "the dark side of the force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural" and "DEW IT" to myself is cracking me up. It's so weird and vastly different from my normal femme speaking voice that it circled back around in my head to being gender reaffirming because of how goofy it is instead of dysphoric
dysphoric day and crotch shaving
Gf was afraid to sleep next to me last night. Essentially still gendering me as a boy and afraid I would be horny in the morning and she'd feel pressured into sex.
Snuggling at night was the middle ground we found during our last argument. Not every night but I requested we snuggle a few times a week so we could have physical intimacy. The first night went great and I woke up feeling more bonded and secure.
Last night we tried and she was scared so went to sleep in her room. Even after telling her I'm barely getting morning erections in the morning and that I had no intention of asking her for sex when we woke up.
Feeling like I have to do so much to not get coded as a boy. Change my voice, take out a loan to laser my face, etc. And that no matter what people who knew me as a boy are still going to see my dead name when they see me.
Thought I would shave my crotch since I need to for laser tomorrow. And hoped the shaving would help.
Staring at my penis and testicles for an hour has made everything worse. When I used to shave down there it felt kinda sexy. Right now I just feel like crying.
I successfully peed in the woods like a girl 
No matter what I do, the part in my hair always goes back to the side
I might be able to change my gender, but I'll forever be a millennial π
it probably makes sense to stock up on food, but walking to the store often is kind of just nice
Chinese hackers, the same ones that hacked my icloud full of nudes and photoshopped my penis to appear 4.15 inches erect (which is also in the range of average btw), have taken down the movie server in an effort to subvert US military recruitment
Trans-Americans are the most fertile crop of new US military recruits, this movie event was sponsored by the US Military, put the pieces together
Chinese spies DONT want you to join the military, they DONT want you in Iran
I might be getting a job! It doesn't pay the best, but I would get to spend a lot of time outside. With autumn coming soon, it's really exciting. I'm just hoping that I can get the job (and that it's what I want it to be).
Of course I also hope people don't harass me, but it pales in comparison to the relief I feel about not having to stand in one spot for a whole shift.
cytube and matrix blew up at the same time. my head is going to explode
Just letting you all know I'm going to start info dumping about reptiles, this will be a thing I do now and you will just have to deal with it. I don't like cissies so its getting posted here.
spooky snek posting
Okay, so reptiles are my longest running special interest, as a few of you already know (join the matrix btw). Unfortunately being trans has eaten up all of my free time so my reptile research has been more limited recently.
Topic of this post is the false water cobra, Hydrodynastes gigas. I'll start with some pictures so you can have an idea what they look like
These absolute cuties come from south America, and as their name suggests they live near bodies of water, such as near rivers. They are also huge, growing up to 9 feet long and weighing up to 10 pounds, (3m/4kg), although they are typically around 6ft/5lbs. As you might suspect, they are not actually cobras, and are not elapids like actual cobras are, but in the colubrid family instead. They do not have fixed fangs like cobras or many other venomous snakes do, but have rear "fangs" that fold (I say "fangs" because I believe they are actually enlarged some kind of teeth, but forget the exact explanation). They aren't really dangerous to humans. Even if they envenomate, which they can only do if you let them chew on you, it is very mild and typically only causes swelling for a couple days. As far as I'm aware no one has died from one of these guys.
They are highly intelligent, very fast moving, and have incredible appetites. In the wild they eat almost anything they can, like fish, small mammals and frogs. In captivity a diet of frozen thawed rodents is a typical and complete diet for them. As you saw earlier, they can flatten their necks out to look more intimidating, like real cobras, although this adaptation was evolved separately. A neat little convergent evolution moment.
They are somewhat commonly kept as pets (I say somewhat common, they are available online but I'd be surprised if you found one in a pet store), and have a few neat genetic mutations (morphs) that change their appearance. I really like the "lavender" gene.
No I do not know why he is holding him like that 
But look at how pretty the he is!
Just to clarify about morphs, this is a random genetic mutation, like albinism. They aren't bred like dogs to make them look this way, and as far as I'm aware this trait doesn't have any effect on the snake, outside of looking neat. Many morphs are found in the wild, just rarely because many of them make camouflage harder.
Hopefully this is detailed enough to count as autism posting >.< I have nerdier but I need to fact check myself and that takes time.
Is there any word that can't be turned derogatory with a mere "(derogatory)"?
i have been visited by the spectre of traaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa 
i'm sorry i was briefly posting on the wrong side of the posting wars 
i will accept any punishment the council deems sufficent 
Kamala Harris is letting in over 100,000 immigrants a day through the border
How do I know? I have 10,000 of them in my ass right now
Also my chest has started hurting recently which is nice in a validating way
Kinda sad that the most fun, organic IRL social interaction I've had in like seven years is with a city case worker.
I won't go into detail for dox reasons but we lucked into a really nice lady who used to work in anti-eviction services so she's gotta be decent people. I know she's required by job to be nice but it was actually really cool and relaxed signing forms and chattering and w/e. The most noteworthy part is, my wife is like invisible for some reason? She just has a MENACING AURA 
so usually people do not acknowledge her which is profoundly rude. As it turns out getting acknowledged as a couple is actually really nice, I like doing the happy-wives-bit irl. Very cool.
Finally. A place where you can be gay
i'm kicking back and stretching out in this megathread... feels good to have 0 notifications again
I don't care if it's actually pronounced hydro-city because pronouncing it like velocity is cooler 
Yay. This thread federating correctly with today, unlike last week's (which still shows 0 comments and thought it was locked).
Shaved for the first time in forever this morning and I feel so much better
ocd complaints
For 3 fucking days about a year ago, I was breathing manually. That was so god awful. I thought I had broken something, it was exhausting!!! Cause I'd have to manually breathe as I fell asleep, so I also had a fun touch of insomnia. Like legit, my automatic breathing was turned off unless I was unconscious. Thankfully, it did go away. Dunno if anyone needs to hear this, but if it's happening to you and you have anxiety/ocd stuff like I do - yes, it sucks. No, you're not broken. Yes, you'll be able to breath normally again (eventually).
weirdo sex shit, utter filth, seriously nsfw
Chronicles of autoremoved, volume II 
I need the attention and interaction and affection of my partner, but also I could probably almost be theoretically autosexual, with how much of my internal sexbrain seems to revolve around me instead. I am happy to pleasure my partner, I enjoy it a lot, but also it seems like I am really taking to being hot and enjoying it. My thought processes coalesce around my being a beautiful enby and basically sexualising myself, now that I feel more comfortable and compatible with that sort of thing, in a healthy way. Being sexualised on my own terms, in affirming ways, how I want. I also keep getting more beautiful which is very helpful. Fucking myself would probably be fun now...
I also like involving another person though, it's like Look at me, I am gorgeous, who wouldn't want to gaze upon me, put their hands on me? So while the way this works is probably slightly greedy, it's also easy to integrate a partner into this stuff and like, bask in it. Feels fucking great. I think it takes me a lot to let anyone in sexually--I used to just be incapable, but my wife has been so incredibly sweet and very good to me--so as much as it sounds like disgusting fucking dirty smut 
I think it's also a very intimate emotional thing.
Despite these utterly dirty thoughts I am still pretty sure I am asexual, or ace-spec at the very least. Maybe demi but I'm not sweating it. I still relate weirdly to sex and will freak out easily at it in any context outside of the bedroom with my wife. Just working out how I relate to sex, which again is wonderful.
