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submitted 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) by miz@hexbear.net to c/main@hexbear.net

About this item

Safeguard your home with the powerful protection of Heimdall, guardian deity and protector of the hearth. Just as ancient people sought his blessing to shield their homes from enemies and wild beasts, you too can invoke his power to create a sanctuary of safety and security.

This ritual goes beyond mere words; it weaves a potent energy field, an impenetrable barrier around your home. I utilize crystal talismans, possessing strength rivaling that of a diamond, to fortify your walls and enhance Heimdall's protective embrace. By combining Heimdall's might with the ancient energy of crystals, we create a powerful fusion, ensuring not only the safety of your property but also shielding it from any hardship. Imagine an unwavering guardian, deflecting all threats and dangers, ensuring your well-being and peace of mind at all times.

This ritual also harnesses the unique properties of tiger's eye, red jasper, and carnelian, amplifying the protective barrier and infusing your home with additional beneficial energies. Tiger's eye is renowned for its ability to deflect negativity and enhance resilience, instilling confidence within you and your home. Red jasper, symbolizing strength and protection, creates an energetic shield, empowering you with the determination to overcome any challenge. Carnelian cultivates an atmosphere of comfort and safety, dispelling anxieties and attracting positive energies to ensure tranquility within your dwelling.

In a world where security is paramount, this ritual addresses the need for reliable protection against potential dangers. It establishes a resilient shield, reflecting negativity and providing you with peace of mind and confidence.

Allow me to forge this impenetrable shield around your home, protecting it from external threats and creating a sanctuary of peace and security. Don't miss this opportunity to secure the well-being of your home and yourself. 🛡️

Interested in experiencing the power of Scandinavian magic through a personalized ritual or reading?

First, determine which ritual best suits your needs. Unsure where to begin? Share your situation and the challenges you're facing. I'm happy to help you choose the most effective ritual for your unique circumstances. A preliminary reading can also be performed to provide further clarity.

Once you've chosen a ritual, please provide the full name, date of birth, and a photo of yourself (or the intended recipient if the ritual is for someone else).

Then, patiently await the completion of your ritual. Scandinavian magic involves working with crystals, potions, and specialized incantations, so the process takes time. I will notify you via email once your ritual is complete. (Be sure to check your spam folder if you haven't received confirmation within a reasonable timeframe. If it's still missing, please don't hesitate to contact me.)

Please remember, in accordance with Etsy policy, all readings and rituals are for entertainment purposes only. By purchasing, you confirm you are 18 years or older. These services are not substitutes for professional advice (legal, medical, etc.). Should you require professional guidance, please consult an expert. While I believe in the power of crystal magic, I am not responsible for any choices or actions made by individuals after receiving a reading or ritual.

top 34 comments
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[-] hexaflexagonbear@hexbear.net 45 points 1 month ago

Isn't this basucally how the Vatican operated until like the renaissaince?

[-] Infamousblt@hexbear.net 23 points 1 month ago

It's basically how the entire Christian faith still operates today. Oh give us tithes and we will all pray for you together and it will totes help give you the Lord's Blessing! bean-think

[-] SeekTheDeletion@hexbear.net 23 points 1 month ago

it's generally not this crass and overt though. Plus a lot of what people get out of organized religion comes from the organized part. Social circles, connections, opportunities to do service, weekly ritual, youth activities, etc.

You get none of those things from an Etsy snake oil salesperson who stops by one time to cast a spell

[-] peeonyou@hexbear.net 2 points 1 month ago

oh I don't think he stops by.. he just emails you when he's done the thing

[-] Diuretic_Materialism@hexbear.net 10 points 1 month ago

Most non-Protestant faiths have shit like this. You pay some priest to like flick water or say prayers in your house and doing that causes some supernatural entities to improve your odds in the bingo game of fate for a week or whatever.

[-] ReadFanon@hexbear.net 34 points 1 month ago
[-] Inui@hexbear.net 32 points 1 month ago

They gotta recover some mana. It takes a while.

[-] LaGG_3@hexbear.net 17 points 1 month ago

Mana potions are too expensive in this economy.

[-] UlyssesT@hexbear.net 21 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Magic-users born after the Third Astral Era don't know how to recharge mana. They only know ponder orb, wand tricks, eat hot wizard pepper and lie. wizard

[-] LaGG_3@hexbear.net 10 points 1 month ago

I gotta get to the wizard market to try whatever fucked up snacks they have

[-] Owl@hexbear.net 31 points 1 month ago

It didn't even occur to me to combine the Etsy spells grift with AI art grift. I'm glad I'm not a grifter, I'd never be able to keep up.

[-] Inui@hexbear.net 16 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

i can do 1) eerectile functionary 2) heat of hte moment love extensions 3) cast away nameless mist (anti virgin spell god) 4) gaydar 5) make you rboyfriend better shoot at boot camp 6) anticonception spell

[-] context@hexbear.net 30 points 1 month ago

Be sure to check your spam folder if you haven't received confirmation within a reasonable timeframe.

sage advice

[-] context@hexbear.net 23 points 1 month ago

ah, here we go! just the one:

wonder-who-thats-for

[-] buh@hexbear.net 27 points 1 month ago
[-] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 24 points 1 month ago

Your average "middle class" american is a kulak with a peasant mindset and an internet connection. The rest of us are just gig work serfs living in techno favela dumpsters because you can't afford rent unless you're a millionaire.

[-] Grebgreb@hexbear.net 25 points 1 month ago

My brother tried to sell our family on the idea of getting a person to "bless" a house to protect it from EMI. He also scammed my mom at least once with his friend who is a "pet psychic" that charged ~$300 at least once.

I despise this shit and find it beyond abhorrent.

[-] Gorb@hexbear.net 25 points 1 month ago

Holy shit i need to get on this grift. Why tf am I even working rn?

[-] jack@hexbear.net 11 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

I had a well developed scheme to do a vegan themed witchcraft shop on Etsy a few years ago but the idea of actually duping people for money made me sick so I couldn't go through with it

[-] Gorb@hexbear.net 8 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

The key is to dupe only fascists so it doesn't feel bad. Brainforce testosterone enhancing lead pills blessed by God for evangelicals

[-] Evilphd666@hexbear.net 21 points 1 month ago

Pi in es un domine. Doma eres requiem. thurston

[-] abc@hexbear.net 19 points 1 month ago
[-] PolandIsAStateOfMind@lemmygrad.ml 5 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

"Pie Iesu Domine, dona eis requiem THUNK"

[-] UlyssesT@hexbear.net 17 points 1 month ago

"Do your own research" smuglord

The research:

[-] SoyViking@hexbear.net 17 points 1 month ago

Yes. Let's mix Norse mythology with crystal woo. Why not? We know how much vikings loved crystals.

And let's do some Scandinavian magic. Which one? you ask. The pre-Christian one that has been dead for a millennium and which we know almost nothing about? Or the pre-industrial Christian magic that is also dead today? Who knows? Who cares? Magic viking crystal AI mommy has you covered.

[-] LeZero@hexbear.net 5 points 1 month ago

Sounds like building a pipeline from crystal new age to Nazism

[-] CupcakeOfSpice@hexbear.net 5 points 1 month ago

Eh, it was already there. Lots of racist and eugenics ideas swirling around mew age beliefs.

[-] dsilverz@thelemmy.club 2 points 1 month ago

FYI, syncretic beliefs are a thing. Candomblé, the Afro-Brazilian Religion, blends Catholic elements (such as saints) with many African traditions: "an African diasporic religion that developed in Brazil during the 19th century. It arose through a process of syncretism between several of the traditional religions of West and Central Africa, especially those of the Yoruba, Bantu, and Gbe" (Wikipedia)

It's worth noting that Candomblé, as well as other afro-Brazilian religions (such as Umbanda and Kimbanda), although incorporating some catholic figures, are frequently misunderstood by christians, who often call them "devil worshippers", an undeniable religious intolerance. Terreiros (sacred places where gatherings and rituals from Candomblé, Umbanda and Kimbanda takes place) are sometimes persecuted and vandalized by intolerant christians. The Afro-Brazilian believers, in turn, do not persecute churches neither christians (neither other religions).

I'm not from an afro-Brazilian religion (I'm actually Lilith's worshipper, therefore I'm a literal "demon worshipper" for christians, I follow no specific religion), but I learnt from old friends from Umbanda and I know how sacred and important the Afro-Brazilian syncretic beliefs are to them.

The syncretic approach is also found in Göetia, where the tetragrammaton (YHWH) is used among demonic sigils to invoke entities such as Paimon, Lucifer and Stolas (also, some of those entities are syncretic themselves, such as Lucifer from the biblical Lucifer).

As I said before I don't have a religion but I do my own research in a syncretic approach, while I try to find convergence between many traditions regarding The Goddess (The Dark Mother Goddess): Sumerian Lilit(h), Arabic Al-Lat/Allatu, Hindu Kali, Egyptian Isis, Thelemite Nuit, Greek Hekate, Chinese Chang'e and so on, as well as Umbanda's Pomba-gira archetypes. So, to reiterate, syncretic approach is a thing.

[-] GeorgeZBush@hexbear.net 15 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

No it's like...so bad now. What the fuck is even happening anymore? Is anything or anyone real? Enshittifcation is in overdrive. I don't see any way out.

[-] UlyssesT@hexbear.net 17 points 1 month ago

I'm sure some bazinga will sell anti-enshittification services on a subscription basis that will become enshittified increasingly over time.

[-] tripartitegraph@hexbear.net 14 points 1 month ago

Fuck I gotta sell out (main)

[-] anaesidemus@hexbear.net 13 points 1 month ago

This doesn't even make sense regarding Norse mythology. Heimdallur is busy protecting Bifröst from jötnar.

[-] P4ulin_Kbana@lemmy.eco.br 5 points 1 month ago

That image looks mystic though

[-] peeonyou@hexbear.net 2 points 1 month ago

well it obviously didn't fix inflation.. used to be you could get a top quality home protection plan for just 3 easy payments of $29.95 plus shipping & handling.

this post was submitted on 14 Sep 2024
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