784

No further questions your honour (lemmy.dbzer0.com)

submitted 2 months ago by SnokenKeekaGuard@lemmy.dbzer0.com to c/lemmyshitpost@lemmy.world

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[-] taiyang@lemmy.world 67 points 2 months ago

I think I'd be a terrible park official. I'd say the same things, but always with a winky face.

Bigfoot isn't real ;)

That's our official stance ;)

It's terrible in most scenarios now that I think of it...

Be sure to stay hydrated out on the trail ;)

Please evacuate the grounds, there is a wildfire burning ;)

[-] Crackhappy@lemmy.world 23 points 2 months ago

If a grizzly comes after you, play dead. ;)

[-] Brickhead92@lemmy.world 54 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Link as well.

[-] tacosanonymous@lemm.ee 3 points 2 months ago

Never play around with fire… ;)

[-] MataVatnik@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago

Pop that booty ;)

[-] psycho_driver@lemmy.world 1 points 2 months ago

If it doesn't go well, at least you've got a head start.

[-] bran_buckler@lemmy.world 50 points 2 months ago

Why is the changing her life part (losing weight and getting a divorce after seeing Bigfoot) relevant? Did she leave her husband to try to get with Bigfoot and is suing the state because they claim her new beau doesn’t exist? Wild!

[-] lieuwex@discuss.tchncs.de 45 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

She says that seeing bigfoot was so inspiring that she lost weight and got a divorce. Not kidding. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5512979/Woman-saw-bigfoot-SUING-California.html

It does not seem relevant to the argumentation in the lawsuit.

[-] WolfLink@sh.itjust.works 11 points 2 months ago

How come even in 2024 with 4k HDR 120FPS video cameras on smartphones in everyone’s pockets, the alleged videos of Bigfoot are still complete mush?

I don’t even see a bear in that video. It’s not clear there’s anything besides trees. It’s just a big dark blob.

[-] swab148@lemm.ee 11 points 2 months ago

That's the problem, Bigfoot is blurry! Run, there's an 8-foot tall, out of focus monster!

[-] ShaggySnacks@lemmy.myserv.one 5 points 2 months ago

Mitch Hedberg was a genius.

[-] EpeeGnome@lemm.ee 3 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Right, see, those are relevant because they show the value of that inspiration. Inspiration that could have brought many more valuable changes to her life if she still had it, but sadly the park service stole that inspiration from her, along with many potential benefits it could have brought her if they'd just let her remain blissfully ignorant of the true identity of the inspiring bigfoot she thought she saw.

[-] M137@lemmy.world 1 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

"Inspiring"

It made her feel things, deep animalistic things and that's just the word she chose to not look even more crazy than she already seems.

[-] spankmonkey@lemmy.world 10 points 2 months ago

Probably because she thought that the impossible was possible and took action based on that change in perception.

Dating bigfoot being the impossible thing.

[-] PapaStevesy@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago

But why would that lead her to sue the park for saying it was a bear? Seems unrelated.

[-] GregorGizeh@lemmy.zip 8 points 2 months ago

Probably because they killed her changed mindset with it and now she is worried of falling back into old habits

[-] PapaStevesy@lemmy.world 1 points 2 months ago

Shouldn't this be proof that the change was really inside her all along? How does she know they're not lying to cover-up for the fact that they got Bigfeet walking around?

[-] EleventhHour@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago

Hurt fee-fees

“How dare you break my delusion!”

[-] Ilovethebomb@lemm.ee 1 points 2 months ago

It's because in the decent photos, it's obviously a bear.

[-] Uli@sopuli.xyz 8 points 2 months ago

No, you've misunderstood. She married the Bigfoot and now she's suing because she was perfectly happy not knowing he was just a bear. They had a destination wedding in London and the divorce lawyer's bear-wedding annulment fee was 125 pounds.

[-] WhiteRabbit_33@lemmy.world 1 points 2 months ago

Ah, Sir Bearington strikes again.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8JU7ZlhIXFc

[-] bulwark@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago

Not that uncommon. Have you seen that documentary called The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then the Bigfoot

[-] Gork@lemm.ee 2 points 2 months ago

Likely an editorial error and got their stories mixed up. But I like your scenario.

[-] FelixCress@lemmy.world 32 points 2 months ago

Is it America in one sentence?

[-] SnokenKeekaGuard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 20 points 2 months ago

Its the entirety of the other site condensed into one sentence

[-] Ilovethebomb@lemm.ee 1 points 2 months ago

This was peak "other site" parts falling off the wing, and they post on Reddit asking if they should tell a crew member.

[-] ChickenLadyLovesLife@lemmy.world 28 points 2 months ago

How on earth do people still think Bigfoot is real? It's obviously just a Yeti in a gorilla suit.

[-] Wogi@lemmy.world 12 points 2 months ago

No way man tell you what my brother skeet done seen that dang ol sasquatch when he went to to Calistoga to seent his two brothers Jim and Jed. See they was out huntin one day though I think Jed was out evadin the police on accounta he's got warrants and unpaid could support, an he an Jim are wanted by the bondsman see, so they was out huntin deep in them woods up there up by the squirtin hole and them old rock woods you know? Anyway they was out there and they seent him. Big ole samskatch. Tain't no yeti in no bear suit man maybe a Stanley though it were pretty big

[-] jubilationtcornpone@sh.itjust.works 17 points 2 months ago

I'm assuming this went down like the church scene from The Blues Brothers. Some lady goes out to the woods to get a little clarity where a bright light from heaven shines down on her and instead of James Brown, Bigfoot appears and says, "Have you seen the light!?"

And she's like, Yes! Yes! Jesus H Tapdancing Christ! I have seen the light!"

And just like that, she's off on a mission from God.

[-] JoMiran@lemmy.ml 16 points 2 months ago

"The hills around here are pretty squatchy."

[-] Dr_Box@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Guy on one side of the forest does a squatch call.

Guy on other side of the forest hears it.

"I think theres a squatch in these woods!"

[-] HarbingerOfTomb@lemmy.world 14 points 2 months ago

The Daily Mail is shit post defined.

[-] Revan343@lemmy.ca 12 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

There's no such thing as 'a Bigfoot'.

Bigfoot is a proper noun, if you saw him, you didn't see a bigfoot, you saw the Bigfoot. But more likely it was some lesser Sasquatch.

^/s

Edit: Does Lemmy's markdown not support superscript?

[-] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 18 points 2 months ago

Excuse me, sir, but I have not only seen a Bigfoot, I have been inside a Bigfoot.

Here is a Bigfoot:

[-] Revan343@lemmy.ca 14 points 2 months ago

Well fuck, I've been out-pedanted.

[-] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 9 points 2 months ago

It's true. I am the master pedant.

[-] Revan343@lemmy.ca 6 points 2 months ago

God dammit I hadn't even realized it was you

[-] Agent641@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

There's no hierarchy in the sasquatch society. To them, 'bigfoot' is a slur. 'Skunk ape' is strangely a term of endearment (to them, we are their 'skunk apes', on account of the smell) 'Hairy man' is unnessecarily gendered. 'Orang Pendek' is fine, but also gendered. Wood ape' is a bit simplified, but fine. Yowie is used proudly by the Austral version, but secretly used as a bit of a slur by the North American variant to describe their southern cousins.

The Peladiens diplomatically refer to them as 'The honorable inhabitants'' (in contrast to humans, referred to just as 'the inhabitants')

[-] IMongoose@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago

Anyone ever seen a Dracula?

[-] RattlerSix@lemmy.world 12 points 2 months ago

In order to sue you have to show damages. It seems like she can only show benefits. Maybe she can gain more weight than she lost before she goes to court and start dating an asshole or something.

[-] linearchaos@lemmy.world 12 points 2 months ago

I'm with her, she lost all that weight to date Bigfoot and now California says it's just a bear.

To be honest I think she should go with the trend and choose the bear.

[-] luciferofastora@lemmy.zip 3 points 2 months ago

Halsin noises in the distance

[-] obre@lemmy.world 11 points 2 months ago

Olivia Nuzzi reposting a story only marginally more ridiculous than her own life

[-] awwwyissss@lemm.ee 8 points 2 months ago

Pretty typical Bigfoot encounter.

[-] kilgore_trout@feddit.it 7 points 2 months ago

Half of the Daily Mail headlines are like this.

[-] OpenStars@discuss.online 4 points 2 months ago

She had best be prepared to regain those 125 lbs and remarry her husband then?

(I have no idea what I'm saying here tbh, but that does seem in keeping with this headline!)

Wait a minute... realization slowly dawns: exactly who is the "bear" supposed to be here?!?! 🙃

[-] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 3 points 2 months ago

Having seen plenty of bears on my visits to Yosemite and also on TV and such, I don't know how someone might confuse a bear standing on its hind legs with a giant ape-like creature unless they have never seen either a bear or an ape.

[-] VerbFlow@lemmy.world 1 points 2 months ago

Standard Daily Mail fare here.

this post was submitted on 03 Oct 2024

784 points (99.9% liked)

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