tfw cis people
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tfw cis people
it is june 25 and stalin saved the world from fascism
appearance issues, transphobia, maybe eating disorder?
Venting about transphobia
I've become radicalised to the point of thinking anyone that uses the terms theyfab or theymab to invalidate nonbinary people should have rocks thrown at them until they stop.
Art should be challenging. I like Frida. She's so expressive, so unafraid to explore herself, and not afraid to depict herself earnestly. She's very free
Also monkeys are cool
cw compulsive behavior, dysphoria
i legitimately cannot give myself another bald spot again i dont think i can take it emotionally. every time my head itches and i scratch it absentmindedly i remember i have a [medical issue], i cant stop thinking about my hair falling out and end up fucking with my scalp which causes my hair to fall out. making my fears reality.
spoiler depression thinking myself to death; endlessly rehearsing events of future failure in my head and then enacting them unwillingly; the snake eating its own tail; always conscious of target fixation but i cant ever look away :::
i do not need a diagnostic label for this but call a spade a spade
Well, I would've had a different word for it but its definitely comorbid. The diagnosis doesnt matter that much - except as a billing code lol.
mental health stuff, no labels though
You can and probably should seek out help to deal with this - you dont strictly have to live life with this much pain and concern. Therapy would be great, psychiatry might help with meds, but even the simple stuff like good sleep hygiene and eating a healthy diet will help. Look up gut-brain axis.
mental health
i just put depression bc i think those thoughts are depressing - it's not the word i'm thinking of
i have but only one of my care providers really picked up on it (and I didnt get to really work with them cause I got laid off hence the lack of a label). which is partly because my neuroses make talking about my neuroses to doctors difficult - but "I am a flesh puppet animated by neurotransmitters with no will of my own and i manifest my nightmares because i cant stop thinking about them" has definitely come up before with several of them and ig it's a bit frustrating how that hasnt... most of my diagnoses are missing the forest for the trees I think. idk i'm very bitter about it sometimes
like I try to have good sleep hygiene and a healthy diet, but trying to do so has felt like pulling teeth historically when you cant break away from the screen bc it feels like a hidden force is compelling you to avoid sleeping due to an ill-defined sense of dread, and fast food advertisement feels like a psychic sense-memory intrusion that you have to act on or else you wont end up eating anything. i've come a long way, but every step along the way has been a struggle. i hate crapitalism!
Self Portrait with Monkeys, 1943
I hope things are going well
First time my wife talked to me in a week after Mamdani won. Feeling good about myself
Yeah I'm AFAB. Assigned female at bureaucracy because my paperwork came back
I've done notice of births, I've been there when the baby's come out, listened to the heart and lungs, counted fingers and toes, looked for congenital anomalies, kinda weird to look at a baby - realize I had to assign a gender even though I knew it only meant I was putting the baby in a category based on the literal exterior anatomy I saw, not anything in baby's head, not their genes, not even anything internal. Made me think back on when the nurse had initially assigned ME female when I was born but "corrected" herself on the paperwork later lol. I forgive her, it took me a while to figure it out too
Yeah it certainly is silly.
I remember a story she's ago about a cis woman who was accidentally assigned male at birth and her parents were functionally illiterate and didn't notice so as an adult her birth certificate said male and her red state wouldn't let her change it because they kept assuming she was trans.
sex dream
I dreamt I had sex with Carrie-Anne Moss. It was fucking awesome. And her at her current age, not like a nostalgic version. No idea what could've triggered it, I haven't thought of her since Matrix 4 lol. She was more the top which is unusual for me but whatever
volcel police plz
Wow I want to dream about Carrie Anne moss topping me where do I sign up
Oh that's a better dream than any of mine
It has come to my attention that there is a major league baseball pitcher named "Dicky Lovelady"
That is all
Took my nail polish off for the job fair I'm going to tomorrow, I honestly don't expect to find anything but the training I'm doing is requiring us to do it. At most I'll get some interview experience so I'll do my best, plus I already got some polish ready for afterwards I wanna try.
depressing rant about personhood
Doppelgänger fiction is depressing because the angst characters have that others only like the mask and not the self is just true, and the trope where another character realizes there's an impersonator is just cope. No one expects a doppelgänger, so a convincing impersonation is not even necessary. While humans are biosocial beings, under any organization of society where embodiment is critical to its functions, "person" becomes nearly synonymous with "body". So it is not even necessarily the "role" a doppelgänger must take on convincingly. The most important "role" a person plays is just their physical presence. Actual behavior can be quite inconsistent!
Written a couple days after watching Episode 14 of Ergo Proxy via proxy, ha.
So anyway this is why we must all aspire to be more like Fai Rodis from the hit untranslated novel Bull's Hour.
I think people find it angsty to discover someone else could take over their life. They dont even have to do it particularly well - think like Nimic (2019) lol
Not sure why you consider the doppelganger stuff to be depressing. As a doppelganger myself, I find your take to be reassuring and inspirational.
My local Pride was fun!! I walked around collecting goodies. I'm a sucker for things with rainbows on them, and all the pan/enby colored collectibles. It was like 100° but I was vibing
Im so glad you has fun! The enby pride flag is so dope, love the colours. That and the gender fluid pride one are pretty bold
I am a concept trapped in a world of symbols
depression
I remember a time when I mostly liked being alive, but somehow I keep waking up in a different time, and I think that’s rude.
Hey I'm so sorry I'm late with my post. Turns out I had the OP in my blocked list, no clue why and I hadn't seen the mega til I checked. And I was wondering why no one had decided to make one.
Be sure to check back daily or so, we are being blessed with periodic art and commentary updates!
I also had a dream last night that they made a voiced, graphics and AI updated, VR version of Morrowind and it was really unpleasant because it was basically just Dunmer racially harassing you non stop.
Trans mega, they could never make me post in general mega. I appreciate the vibes here.
my sleep schedule is so fucking cooked. supposed to be snoring for the next three or four hours but I woke up because I thought I had a zoom meeting (it's next week not today) and now I can't get back to sleep.
human bodies were not meant to work the graveyard shift. or at the very least mine wasn't.
My little sis is learning how to open draws
(she is only 3 months old and is also a dog)
how it feels to change your DNS server so you can go to leafly.com on the library wifi
Dysphonia Dysphoria
I tested positive to Influenza B, my voice has gotten so deep and scratchy, it's odd talking makes me really dysphoric, but also it's kind of affirming, because I kind of thought this was how I sounded anyway? So now I'm like "No my normal voice isn't this bad"
spoiler
There was a time from smoke and a different time from getting sick that I lost all my chest and lower register, that was pretty nice. Enforced voice training. Of course, I strained and ended up just losing my voice entirely lol
I'm not "too old to transition", I'm doing twink necromancy
the way my hair, earrings, and facemask go today is honestly super cool and removedy and it's honestly kind of a shame that the only reason I'm presentable today is incase apartment maintenance decides to actually show up and fix my sink.
Honestly?? I bet you look drop-dead gorgeous ...even if it’s “just” for the sink guy Maintenance doesn’t deserve that level of slay, but I’m glad the mirror got to see it!
Hope they actually show up .. but either way, your vibe sounds undeniably cool today .
Went hiking today and came across a former monastery with a cool crypt that had a 1000 year-old sarcophagus inside it. But what really made my day was the statue in front of it.
It had a pride flag around it's shoulders and there was a sign right next to it condemning bigotry (including that of the Catholic Church) and calling for solidarity. Good to know that some Catholic institutions do actually take Christian love to heart.