The FDA is just trying to prevent you from gaining shrimp-based superpowers
this post was submitted on 19 Aug 2025
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chapotraphouse
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The FDA is just trying to prevent you from gaining shrimp-based superpowers
Powers like eating garbage and foaming at the mouth.
so uhh, where those shrimp been? Fukushima? love to hear about fission products in the food supply. I'm glad the radiation detectors at the ports work at least.
Ok everyone! If you have "Radioactive Shrimp" on your bingo card, mark it off! I'll be around to check any bingos if you got em!
Don't drink the water and don't breathe the air
Ughhhh how am I supposed to be Shrimpman now!?
Just when you think you're about to become a superhero the man steps in and takes it away!
Actually... Wait a sec... If I bite the radioactive shrimp does it gain the superpower? Does it become manshrimp!?
If I bite the radioactive shrimp does it gain the superpower?
only if you've had an x-ray that day
Ahhh, then we're both radioactive! Now I just need to get the shrimp to bite me while I'm biting it and I can be its sidekick! Manshrimp and Shrimpboy!
...Slightly old Shrimpboy lol
who up fusing into a human-shrimp ouroboros 
You think this shrimp is fresh or frozen?
I DON'T CARE!
Suppose you're thinking about radioactive shrimp, then someone mentions "shrimp" or "radioactive"...out of the blue, no explanation.
You eat a lot of acid, Miller, back in the hippie days?
Hmm, maybe they were just doing some kind of imaging and it got contami- CESIUM-137?!
More likely is that the shrimp were at a warehouse that has an irradiation room, which is very normal as a way to kill pathogens on food, or stuff that's been imported from somewhere. I've only ever heard of cobalt 60 being used in irradiation rooms but maybe some countries use cesium 137?
It's actually pretty normal for most food to get irradiated if it's going into a warehouse. It's good at killing bacteria. That's the only reasonable reason I can think of why the shrimp has this kind of contamination.
But like normally it's a sealed source of radioactive material that's just in the same room or maybe an x-ray gun or something. The crates of food often aren't even opened since radiation will punch straight through cardboard or wood or whatever. I have no idea what was going on for cesium-137 to end up in the shrimp. Or why cesium 137 was used in the first place because I've only ever heard of cobalt-60 being used for this
(I do chemical stuff in warehouses)
isn't this how godzilla started
Shrimp Jesus < Shrimpzilla
Walmart: taps RFK Jr on the shoulder, "psst (they) don't want people getting positive health effects against evil vaccines by big pharma these bring, make sure this doesn't happen again"
RFK jr: the worm in his brain salutes, then his own hand moves to salute, "yes sirs, that's brilliant, first they take our medicines, then they sell us a cure, it's obvious 'natural' radiation like this is good or they wouldn't try to ban it"
Shit there's an [Imagine Dragon Shrimp (龙虾) - Radioactive] joke in here somewhere but it's too early for me to make it work.