I was out on St Patrick's day and saw a guy go by in a novelty top hat that looked similar to this:
And I shouted "Holy shit! It's St Jamiroquai!" to absolutely zero response
this post was submitted on 18 Dec 2025
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The people around you were virtually insane.
That's a good one.
I'm at a conference of global research scientists and this was what was in all the drink cabinets
I sent it to my colleague and said they clearly hadn't met us. Still looking for the cabinets of dumb butch juice.
Typo?
No they love stupid lesbians
Let's be honest who doesn't?
Well, just their juice.
My spouse was taking about her imposter syndrome this morning and was like, "I'm gonna wake up one day and have clients and I'll be like, where did they come from?!" To which o responded, "you may say to yourself, this is not my beautiful house, and you may say to yourself, this is not my beautiful wife"
She did not get the joke.
Oh damn. That was gift-wrapped.
A thread here about some recent comments from Hillary Clinton a couple weeks ago led to people saying they don't want to hear from her after losing to a fascist. Someone said we wouldn't be here if she could give a half decent blowjob.
I said "stop blaming women for aging"
Bunch of people (for lemmy's scale) took it as me being a social justice warrior (I guess?) that genuinely meant she got older.
No, I was making a joke about Bill's preference for children. I thought it'd land without extra context. Oh well, at least I sleep at night knowing my name still isn't in the epstein files
"It's not Hillary's fault she's over 14" may have landed better. Possibly. Delivery can be a tricky thing in comedy.
I quote the original Tron a fuckton. "Greetings, Programs!" when I get into work and people are looking for me. Calling people Null Unit. Or last night when someone made a suggestion and I said "no no no no no no" in a sort of higher pitched monotone and none of my friends got it. I was quoting Bit.
I do that with Babylon 5 sometimes. Poor people don't know the hilarity they're missing.
Picking through avocados at the grocery store in a Zathras voice saying, "not the One, not the One, not the One..." sigh
I would have DIED at the sight of this in the store, if your Zathras was even remotely passable so I got the joke.
I frequently tell my wife, "Nonsense poopy pants!" I don't think she's ever seen Ace Ventura When Nature Calls. I sometimes also say in a very open parking lot, "Now if only I could find a parking space."
Yo. Don’t waste your time with those inoperative data pushers.
Not quite a joke, but I quote It’s Always Sunny pretty often. I love the show, but my partner has never watched it, so he never gets those quotes. There are even times when he says something from the show and I laugh, then have to explain that he would understand if he watched the show.
He still won’t watch it 😑
I suggested lubricating a female dog with teak oil when she was whining. This joke does not translate well.
This post:
To which I answered
It's a reference to very old car Chrysler car commercials with Ricardo Montalban (Khan).
Oh dang, there's a Cheers episode where Carla refers to someone as her ”Ricardo Montalbon, draped in rich Corinthian leather". I figured there was reference I was missing but never bothered to look it up. Thank you.
I think they used that line in Hercules or Xena.
No I cannot. Because I forgot. It's an 'in the moment' thing and once that moment has passed, it's gone.
I too have the memory of a steel sieve.
I’m steeling this line
^unless I forget it^
I've learned the lemmy requires a "/s" tag 99.99% of the time.
I have one heavily downvoted and removed comment because I sarcastically said something like
"Get the fuck out of here with your well thought through and reasoned opinion. This is the Internet, nuance isn't allowed here"
Oh the irony
impossible!
No, that is absolutely possible. People on Lemmy don't understand sarcasm with out the /s and tend to over explain things to please a voice inside their head that is constantly begging for attention and telling them they have to correct everyone on the internet because everyone else too stupid to write anything coherently.
/s
That wallpaper is everything.
I did a meme image, but forget to put a big red circle and arrow pointing at the salient element, which only took up 66% of the image.
I'm going to need a copy of this now.
Some how we were talking about dogs and giving dog facts. I made a 'dogs can't look up' reference. No one got the joke
Not me, but in the last DnD game my wife and I co-DMed over discord one of the players decided to nickname themselves Yaoi as a joke and changed their per-server profile to match.
Unfortunately their character was a tiefling so my wife and I just assumed this was a virtue name and started calling their character Yaoi with such a straight face that the player assumed we didn't know what yaoi is. So now their character's legal name is Yaoi unironically.
Part of the reason we were more primed to assume that their name was unironically Yaoi Moxin was that they had just met a character named Resilience Trixie who was stabbed to death and died in front of them, and setting is populated with nobles who have such realistic names as Curse Kungus and Vigil Tilk and Schist Storm