ITT: Commode users who forgot the rest of the world is used to squat toilets lol
this post was submitted on 07 Mar 2026
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Yogi is not your average bear.
Boss makes a dollar,
I make a dime.
12 seconds to shit?
Not near enough time.
Either you learn how to shit in 12 seconds, or AI will take shitting away from you. Sorry, that analology got away from me at the end.
I wonder if they’ll try to get away with bathroom cameras using AI because it’s not a person watching you
Pooping itself might take 12 seconds, but if you consider that you have to go to the toilet in the first place, wipe the lid clean, sit down, relax enough to actually be able to poop, then poop, wipe, wipe again, wipe again, then wash hands ... it takes more like 5-15 minutes depending on what you ate yesterday.
For me it takes upwards of an hour, because I think I'm done then 20 minutes later I'll have to go again for round 2. So I rather just sit and wait until it's all out rather than go running back to the toilet several times over. Yes I've already tried increasing my fiber intake.
Given my numbers, the median must be like 0.12 seconds. If your legs aren't asleep by the time you finish, did you even poop?
are you another of us 20 year poopers or are you one of us half second poopers
i'm just putting this out there, if you take too long to poop the toilet alligator gonna eat you
Tonight's news, Amazon limit on bathroom break for 12 seconds based on this study.
Is it longer if there is a dog staring at them the whole time?
They don't have Wi-Fi
yeah, pooping would be way faster if they had wifi
My name is Constipation Georg and I live in a cave and take 12 hours to poop per day and I am an outlier and should not be counted in the averaged data
My name is Low Sleep Stress Coffee Cream Cheese Shit Hubert, and I live in a cave, and take 12 seconds to poop and 11 hours 59 minutes 48 seconds to wipe per working day and I am an outlier and should not be counted in the averaged data.
My name is Diarrhea Vaclav and i live in a cave. I eat nothing but haribo candles. I take half a second to poop but the next wave starts immediately so if i move from the toilet, i leave a slime trail. I spend 23 hours, 17 minutes a day pooping (the remaining 43 minutes are Vaclav's time) and don't know when it began or ended anymore. My only hope for relief is that i am counted as an outlier and released from the study.
TIL I am an extreme outlier.
TIL I’m an average mammal.
they don't have to wipe
They don't have doom to scroll
Why wipe? Shitting yourself is the new path to power in 2026.
The President does it, after all
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Toilets close the muscles- its much healther to poop on the floor.
Today I learned that I am well above average.
12 seconds? I struggle to finish in 12 minutes.
Damn IBS.
I need more fiber in my diet :\
Be careful with that shit, it's powerful magic.
Nah, go hog wild on it. Eat an entire box of high fiber cereal and then go do naked jumping jacks.
Two to four words: sugarfree gummibears
There was a very unholy good review website about 15 years ago. The author had a lengthy and vivid description of their experiences after eating way too many of these. It was so disturbing, I never actually ate sugarfree gummies myself
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I feel sorry for the person(s) that had to watch in order to know this.
Scientists get to choose what they study.
i don't. my fatal butt disease surgeon, his office was covered in artwork of animal butts. i bet he'd've loved to conduct the study
There are worse jobs in the world than watching wildlife poop
Don't you dare tell my boss that. Don't take my time away from me!!
I make a nickel Boss makes a dime I go poo poo On the company’s time
I always told my teachers that I'm way above average but they never believed me....
VINDICATION!!
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I can do half by having dragon fruit last night. I swear that thing is an artifect of poop god.
It does have a lot of fiber but you also might be allergic to it.
https://open.substack.com/pub/naturespharmacy/p/does-yellow-dragon-fruit-cause-diarrhea
Look, it's not a race, okay?
But if it were, I lost.
It’s survival on the plains. You didn’t loose the race, you got eaten by a lion
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