this post was submitted on 09 Mar 2026
470 points (98.0% liked)

Not The Onion

20777 readers
1104 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] Coleslaw4145@lemmy.world 27 points 23 hours ago* (last edited 23 hours ago) (1 children)

Why would oil tanker crews (which are more than likely made up of non-americans) care about "showing some guts" just so some American gas guzzlers can have cheaper fuel?

[–] P1k1e@lemmy.world 3 points 20 hours ago

The idea here is providing Trump public support for attacking Iran. He's in the tank even with his own people, but if a bunch of sailors die he can gain support...I mean probably not but Fox isnt known For its nuance

[–] TigerAce@lemmy.dbzer0.com 27 points 1 day ago

Hey Brian, why don't you use your own money to buy a tanker and go through the strait yourself? Show some guts Brian!

[–] minorkeys@lemmy.world 33 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

"Take massive financial risks to help Trump mitigate the cost he didn't consider at all, of his dumb decision to go to war-not-war with Iran "

[–] Wammityblam@lemmy.world 256 points 1 day ago (3 children)

Fox & Friends co-host Brian Kilmeade who still has a job after saying we should kill the homeless and people with mental health issues (while his other co-hosts were talking about throwing them in prisons or mental institutions)?

That Brian Kilmeade?

[–] hopesdead@startrek.website 93 points 1 day ago (2 children)

I swear I heard someone else on the network say the NYC teenagers that threw snowballs at police should get the death penalty.

[–] Wammityblam@lemmy.world 55 points 1 day ago

Propaganda machine goes BRRRRRRRRR

[–] AlexLost@lemmy.world 24 points 1 day ago

This is why we do t like republicans. They think everyone not like them should just die.

[–] theuniqueone@lemmy.dbzer0.com 53 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Hey he didn't say we should kill them he said we should "involuntarily euthanize" them. That's the problem with politics today people refuse to acknowledge nuance. /s

[–] IratePirate@feddit.org 10 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Since we're on the topic of nuance: he was fantasizing about "involuntary lethal injection".

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 2 points 22 hours ago

Now really is the time of monsters

[–] Wammityblam@lemmy.world 10 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Classic libs not being able to take a joke

[–] cmbabul@lemmy.world 19 points 1 day ago

He’s the only person to be on Fox and friends since the early 00s the others have cycled in and out, I’m not shocked that he’s the worst

[–] Etterra@discuss.online 9 points 1 day ago

He must not have their insurance underwriters in his stock portfolio.

[–] CompactFlax@discuss.tchncs.de 151 points 1 day ago (7 children)

Trump is about to find out that ship owners won’t risk hundreds of millions per ship on an uninsurable voyage just to stroke his ego.

[–] Fermion@mander.xyz 88 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (2 children)

It's not even just the price of a ship and cargo at risk. Lead times are around 2.8 to 3 yrs for crude tankers and around 3.5 yrs for LNG carriers. That's a long time to not be able to conduct business even if insurance did pay out. It is 100% rational to sit out a few weeks to figure out how to resume operations safely rather than trying to sneak through and hope for the best.

[–] HeyJoe@lemmy.world 53 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Yeah, especially since they have promised its only going to be 3 weeks. It's almost as if that was a lie.

[–] BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 4 points 23 hours ago* (last edited 23 hours ago)

Every war ever fought was going to be over in a couple of weeks with an overwhelming victory.

[–] Serinus@lemmy.world 12 points 1 day ago

Well, at least Trump is well known for paying his debts.

[–] RobotToaster@mander.xyz 10 points 1 day ago

Oddly, due to maritime law, it's the cargo owners who would have to pay if the ship was only damaged but not sunk.

load more comments (5 replies)
[–] Aceticon@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 1 day ago

Number of captains who took his advice: 0

The power of this guy starts and stops with No-Brain individuals in America.

Yeah! Just grow a pair and Mojo Risin that shit. What consequences could there possibly be?

🛳️+🛢️+🔥

[–] devolution@lemmy.world 26 points 1 day ago (1 children)

A house slave, a Karen, and a Nazi walk into a bar...

[–] beejboytyson@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago

Don't let your kids in uncle Tom's cabin

[–] RoidingOldMan@lemmy.world 72 points 1 day ago

Lol the peer pressure argument for oil tankers.

[–] Buffalox@lemmy.world 67 points 1 day ago (2 children)

What an absolute moron! I don't know any other democracy that has such stupid people so regularly on TV.
For fucks sake USA is a shithole country of the worst kind.

[–] SatansMaggotyCumFart@piefed.world 29 points 1 day ago (2 children)

England has some pretty stupid people on TV regularly.

[–] Buffalox@lemmy.world 13 points 1 day ago (5 children)

That's true, clearly worse than we have here in Denmark. Of course we also have stupid people here, but they are generally not exposed broad and wide on TV.
But UK is still no match for USA from what I have seen. But clearly it's not a problem for a politician to be stupid and also be successful. Theresa May, Boris Johnson, and Liz Truss. Are all examples of that. It's astounding that a known liar like Boris Johnson was allowed to lead UK to vote for Brexit.
30 years ago we had a party leader Svend Auken that was caught in an outright lie. That cost him his political career.

load more comments (5 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] TrollTrollrolllol@lemmy.world 9 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Not only that, some of them were picked right out of their pundit jobs to be in the administration like Kegsbreath

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] ech@lemmy.ca 26 points 1 day ago

What a piece of shit.

[–] SirMaple__@lemmy.ca 26 points 1 day ago

After you, dumbass.

if i could direct this to kilmeade i would, "get on one of those tankers and pilot it through yourself coward"

[–] J92@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago

It would not even touch the sides. The master answers to their employer onshore, not some berk on a morning talkshow half way 'round the world. The only thing superseeding their office would be their duty, ie laws of the sea, like if the office told them not to veer off course to answer a distress call.

[–] redsand@infosec.pub 33 points 1 day ago

Lol. Listen to insurance or Brian, what will they choose?

[–] Golden@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I wonder how many people in the comments here are also the ones saying "come on Americans, overthrow you government" it's easy to be a tough guy when you know you're never gonna have to do anything but leave comments online

[–] explodicle@sh.itjust.works 3 points 20 hours ago* (last edited 20 hours ago)

Americans overthrowing their government was good for the world last time, and would probably be good for the world again. I'm not eager to die for it either, but it would be helpful.

Providing more oil is bad for the world in general.

[–] humanspiral@lemmy.ca 15 points 1 day ago

Same message could be given to US naval superpower. "Just go near Iran you chickenshits." instead of staying out of drone range. The tankers in question were supposed to be getting US navy escorts.

[–] Babalugats@feddit.uk 18 points 1 day ago

They should fly him over on to one of them and meet him show everyone what he means.

[–] chicken@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 1 day ago

I wonder if following through with that advice would be grounds for a lawsuit by the shipping company's insurance

[–] expatriado@lemmy.world 13 points 1 day ago

i was going to say insurace companies hate this simple trick but iirc, they tend not to cover for act of war loses

[–] chahn.chris@piefed.social 11 points 1 day ago (3 children)

US Government should directly insure then use military to back that up.

They created the mess they should own it.

[–] mrmaplebar@fedia.io 20 points 1 day ago (2 children)

I'm not sure I really want my tax dollars to be insuring oil tankers traveling through a war zone.

I'd rather my tax dollars insure sick people.

Plus, who would be dumb enough to believe that Trump would ever hold up his end of a bargain like that?

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] eestileib@lemmy.blahaj.zone 10 points 1 day ago (4 children)

Even the us government doesn't have that kind of money

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] thesohoriots@lemmy.world 9 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Nah, we can just parlay on Polymarket

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments
view more: next ›