it's open except for the things that are keeping it closed, got it
this post was submitted on 13 Mar 2026
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Chapotraphouse
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The Area 51 raid, but it's organized by the Navy
if we naruto run through the strait, we can move faster than their drones
"We're ensuring access to the Strait the same way we're ensuring access to healthcare. You just have to pay an exorbitant amount for insurance and probably still die for the interests of capital anyway"
‘We have given everyone access to the Strait of Hormuz’
Love this analogy.
The strait is physically not blocked with a giant cork, what else do you libs need?
I always love that Mr. Burns is a Yalie
Everything is perfectly safe as long as you avoid all the dangerous stuff. 
"I mean technically is is open, you just have to dodge all the missiles to get through."
Hegseth goading ships to run the gauntlet like it's fucking Takeshi's Castle.
Oh yeah well we're going to sail a dozen more ships through and if you know what's good for you Iran you won't try any funny business - DJT 
Okay [sinks all 12 ships] 
Some of you may die, but that is a sacrifice I'm willing to make.
He's just writing his own SNL clips now.
That's not possible, this is actually funny
Call me a liberal, but I enjoy Colin Jost doing a Hegseth impression. His angry COD teenager voice is how I read every quote now.
That's fair. It's been a few years since I've seen basically anything but their overrated news segments, and in dozens of episodes the only funny one I saw was when they had the Rock on. Idk why that one was so much better, maybe because they decided to forgo their dogshit political commentary for shock humor and deconstruction.
By far the funiest thing he's ever done
I just realized it's because they consult AI for everything, the LLMs can't tell the difference between parody and reality and neither do the chuds. It's trained on so much comedy media that it probably could just be giving them the funnier ideas.
The Straight of Hormuz is fine. Everything is fine.
I mean, I don't see any sandbags and I don't think there's enough beavers to build a dam there so technically he's right
I mean this framing was to be expected with Iran not mining the straight.
glug glug glug
The funny thing is he was whining about the media not being "patriotic press" as if the media doesn't repeat every lie the state department puts out. Any small amount criticism is considered woke and communist to these fucks.
Death to Amerikkka
It is also safe on Israel, the only thing preventing a safe evening is the iranian drones and missiles.
Also you are gay, the only thing preventing it is your weak masculinity.
The only thing that prevents Hegseth from being sober is all the liquor he continues to consume.