this post was submitted on 27 Mar 2026
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Not The Onion

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[–] lechekaflan@lemmy.world 4 points 27 minutes ago

Whatever, punchable face.

[–] harcesz@szmer.info 9 points 1 hour ago

USA could develop a more fuckable couch, and ride us of one problem, but here we are.

[–] itisileclerk@lemmy.world 6 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

I claim that Americans have idiot VP, iVP short.

[–] GreenBeanMachine@lemmy.world 2 points 1 hour ago

Not very related, but I just now realised, years old, that the "i" in Apple products stands for idiot and now it all makes sense!

[–] TigerAce@lemmy.dbzer0.com 16 points 4 hours ago* (last edited 2 hours ago) (2 children)

JD Vance, also known as a couch fucker, could develop pubic hair within the next 15 years, endangering his aim while peeing as he won't be able to find his micropenis anymore and won't be able to shave it out of fear of shaving his micropenis off. Couches would finally be safe.

Spread the word.

[–] boonhet@sopuli.xyz 7 points 3 hours ago (1 children)

public hair

I'd rather it not be visible to the public as I'm a member of the public

[–] TigerAce@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 2 hours ago

Loooool fixed the typo xD

Thanks!

[–] Etterra@discuss.online 7 points 3 hours ago (1 children)
[–] SippyCup@lemmy.world 2 points 2 hours ago

It stands for Jack Diznutzov. I heard it from a fella. Very smart guy.

[–] Blackmist@feddit.uk 7 points 4 hours ago

That's a big vest. Should be easy to spot.

[–] Naich@piefed.world 14 points 5 hours ago (2 children)

Just a reminder that the 9/11 attackers did it with knives.

[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 4 points 59 minutes ago

Box cutters

[–] Raiderkev@lemmy.world 14 points 5 hours ago (2 children)

Kinda wild, I vividly remember getting on a plane to Disney with my grandparents as a child (Pre 9/11). My grandpa had a swiss army knife on him when we went through security. I asked him how he was able to get that through, and he said it's a small knife; nothing to worry about. It's legal as long as it's smaller than my palm. I said what if someone brought a knife like that and stabbed the pilot. He laughed it off and said I watch too much TV. Then 9/11 happened and guess how they did it? How did 8 year old me have more sense than whoever was running airports in those days?

[–] ClipperDefiance@lemmy.world 1 points 5 minutes ago

Airport security pre-9/11 was pretty horrendous. Hijackings were surprisingly common compared to today, but the difference was that it was usually for a ransom and/or demanding that the plane go somewhere else. This led to a general policy of just going along with hijackers and letting the authorities deal with it later. The most famous example of this kind of scenario is D. B. Cooper.

An important thing to remember about Aviation in general is that every lesson is written in blood. This leads me to PSA 1771. In 1987 a disgruntled former airline employee got on plane, shot his boss and the flight crew, then intentionally crashed the plane killing everyone else. This incident was entirely caused by the poor security practices at the time. The perpetrator's employee ID hadn't been taken back when he was fired and because he had those credentials he was able to get on the plane without being searched.

[–] khannie@lemmy.world 3 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

Pre-9/11 security in American airports was wild to me. There had been a load of plane hijackings in Europe before my time so it was always fairly locked down but I distinctly remember San Diego airport you could basically walk in off the street and nearly be at the plane when people were disembarking in the late 90s.

[–] SippyCup@lemmy.world -2 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

Yeah we had a handful of hijackings in the US too.

We didn't care until brown people did it.

[–] volore@scribe.disroot.org 5 points 2 hours ago* (last edited 2 hours ago)

It had much less to do with the attackers race, and much more to do with the fact that prior to 9/11, aircraft hijackings were primarily done for ransom, not to use the plane as a weapon for a mass casualty event.

JD Vance makes blithering halfwits sound like Einstein.

[–] volore@scribe.disroot.org 31 points 7 hours ago (2 children)

This is the same JD Vance that repeatedly falsely claimed immigrants were eating cats and dogs in his home state, is it not?

I'm not saying a nuclear suicide vest couldn't be done. I'm just saying, JD Vance has claimed lots of things.

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[–] Paragone@lemmy.world 74 points 10 hours ago (4 children)

There is a minimum-amount of fission-fuel required, AND there is a minimum-amount of conventional-explosives required to compress the fission-fuel until it goes supercritical.

That detonator isn't going to be small-enough to hide in a vest.

Absolute disinformation.

_ /\ _

[–] Soulphite@reddthat.com 28 points 9 hours ago

JD should stick to fucking couches, not nuclear physics.

[–] Ariselas@piefed.ca 9 points 8 hours ago

I mean, yeah, the Davie Crockett could fit in a back pack, a really big back pack 0hPf1HdHAWM2L90.webp

[–] DaddleDew@lemmy.world 9 points 8 hours ago* (last edited 8 hours ago)

It is stupid for even more reasons than that. I've thought about it back when North Korea had pretend nuclear suicide bombers march on their military parade.

Even if somehow they manage to cram one in a backpack that is carriable by a person, there is no advantage whatsoever given the blast radius. You will have to use a vehicle of sorts to get near the enemy and more importantly away from your friendlies anyway. Whatever distance you can cover on foot afterwards won't make much of a difference. Might as well make it vehicle borne.

[–] sulfidedisburseangledafternoontipper@piefed.blahaj.zone 6 points 7 hours ago* (last edited 7 hours ago) (3 children)

I mean, the W54 was small enough to be carried by a person and I don't think anyone wants even a 1kt device going off near them. So it's within the realm of possibility even if it does strain credulity as an actual goal Iran was working toward (let alone a solid justification for this bullshit).

Edit: the W54 weighed 51lb (23 kg).

[–] grue@lemmy.world 1 points 31 minutes ago

That wouldn't be a suicide vest, though; it'd be a suicide fat suit.

[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 1 points 58 minutes ago

"watch closely, because I'm only going to show you once"

I don’t think anyone wants even a 1kt device going off near them

Pussies.

[–] Wilco@lemmy.zip 1 points 3 hours ago

You can use Google maps to get directions to a lot of places ... Mar a Lago for instance.

[–] Soulphite@reddthat.com 115 points 11 hours ago (2 children)
[–] FishFace@piefed.social 3 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

The Iran war is worse than the fucking Epstein files you weirdo

[–] Soulphite@reddthat.com 4 points 2 hours ago

I don't disagree, but let me direct your attention to Exhibit A:

She isn't wrong, with only one addition; he will take down the entire world as well. Clearly.

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 7 points 7 hours ago

If lemmy had an equivilent of retweeting, I would.

[–] JeeBaiChow@lemmy.world 16 points 8 hours ago (2 children)

Id argue a rapist president plus a complicit govt is more dangerous. How about getting rid of those first?

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[–] avidamoeba@lemmy.ca 28 points 9 hours ago (2 children)

These fuckers are so inept at propaganda, it's kinda sad.

[–] JeeBaiChow@lemmy.world 15 points 8 hours ago

Dont underestimate the stupidity of their target audience, and the arrogant complacency of his opposition. Its why we have him in the first place. Twice. Half of the second group is still probably going to sit out the primaries and midterms.

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 3 points 7 hours ago

Are they really inept if 40% of the country believe every word?

[–] luthis@lemmy.nz 32 points 10 hours ago (2 children)

'Iran could develop hulk technology and teleport directly into US schools!' JD Vance

[–] als@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 4 hours ago

Well we know that you can teleport to a waffle house

[–] edgemaster72@lemmy.world 6 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

As if they would ever be concerned about potential violence in schools

[–] inari@piefed.zip 4 points 8 hours ago* (last edited 7 hours ago)

Does it negatively affect my billionaire friends? ...is the only question they care about

[–] HikingVet@lemmy.ca 33 points 10 hours ago (2 children)

This shit again? Last time it was a brief case dirty bomb.

[–] TropicalDingdong@lemmy.world 24 points 10 hours ago (1 children)
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[–] androgynouscloudmoon@slrpnk.net 8 points 8 hours ago

Reminder that it's a news org's job to find and report facts, instead of writing more about the new nonsense coming out of the mouths of science deniers. Obviously this is logistically impossible and just another "THEY ALMOST HAVE NUKES!!" excuse to bomb Iranians ffs

[–] tal@lemmy.today 19 points 11 hours ago (3 children)

Nuclear terrorism might be a thing, but I seriously doubt that the easiest way to do it is nuclear suicide vests. Miniaturizing nuclear warheads is a pain. If you were going to do something like that, you'd be better off doing something akin to a truck bomb.

[–] backalleycoyote@lemmy.today 1 points 1 hour ago

Iran didn’t have to develop the tech itself. Clearly they have captured a Predator.

[–] halcyoncmdr@piefed.social 11 points 10 hours ago* (last edited 10 hours ago) (8 children)

Much more likely would be a dirty bomb. Just a regular bomb with some nuclear material that it spreads. The nuclear material isn't the bomb itself, but used exclusively for the exposure effects. You don't even need plutonium or uranium for this. There are plenty of other radiological sources to make dirty bombs. Old radiographic medical equipment for instance.

There are hundreds of thousands of orphaned sources in the world. Several of them have caused the worst radiological incidents in history.

The fact we don't see this already is quite surprising.

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