Ask Lemmy

I don't think I ever encountered anything than most of trumps tweets.

I don't think I can pick the absolute dumbest. I'm sure to forget something. One of the dumbest things I heard recently was in an argument about abortion. A guy was arguing that abortion should be illegal. When asked what he suggests should be the penalty for abortion, he said it wouldn't happen because it would be illegal

One time I was at a grocery store and they sold out of a particular drink I liked.

A manager was standing nearby and I asked when they would restock it.

"Never." He said. "It always sells out and I don't want to constantly order and restock it, so I'm not going to get more."

Trickle down economics.

We won't tax the rich more, coz they are gonna leave if we do.

Trump president

Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line and a representative will be with you shortly.

I’ve mentioned this one before, but it’s worth retelling.

I briefly knew a guy, absolute hick ass trailer trash, who said a large number of incredibly dumb things to me, but this one stands out. He once told me that Southern Baptist was the one true religion, because, and this is a direct quote, “His name is John the Baptist, not John the Catholic!”

And for him that was a QED moment.

Dumbest motherfucker I’ve ever encountered.

Somebody once told me they don't read recreationally because authors are lazy for making readers do all the work of imagining what their story looks like. He was completely sincere, and actually became agitated at the idea of people reading anything beyond manuals or mandatory sorts of things.

This is second hand from a friend, but he said he overheard a conversation between 2 coworkers:

Person A: looks like you got some sun this weekend

Person B (badly sunburned): Yeah, I just bought a convertible and did a lot of driving with the top down. I figured that the wind would stop me from getting sunburned, but I guess it wasn't cold enough

Person A: That's... not how that works

giving rich people more money is important for 'job creation'.

the lie that killed the middle class

I was once stopped by an elderly couple.

One side of the couple was arguing that the sun went out at night.

The other couple was arguing that the moon covered over the sun at night, and that's why we couldn't see the sun.

They asked me to clarify which one of them was correct as an independent third party, and I told them that the earth rotates, and so when you can't see the sun, it's because it's on the other side of the planet.

They both paused for a moment, looked at each other, and then looked at me and said, "oh, yeah", and that was the end of the argument.

I've already told that story but anyway: a relative told me that the GDPR was a conspiracy from Europe to destroy the European internet (why? why not!)

So that guy literally deleted his own web site (full of old stuff, it was a big project) so that... he would not be forced to delete his own web site by the big bad Europe.

He is also anti-vax, and allergic to Wifi and Bluetooth... except when he is in our house filled with Wifi and Bluetooth (but we have never told him, he could die!)

"This isn't what I voted for!"

My father told me I shouldn't use regular table salt because "they" were mixing powdered glass in so that it would work its way through your system and embed itself in your heart muscles.

He had called me after I got high though, so I gave him the best kid glove treatment I've ever managed.

Told him that was very interesting. Explained that he could easily prove and expose the conspiracy by pouring salt into a bucket of distilled water. The salt would dissolve, but the glass would sink to the bottom. He could then filter the glass out, then boil the water off to recover the salt safely. He hasn't brought it up since.

My dad is a sweet guy and good at handyman stuff, but dear lord, almost nothing higher level. I truly think it's the lead exposure.

I worked with this dude who i thought was pretty chill. Then one day we're talking about the future of the world and he tells me that he thinks global warming is a punishment from god coz we legalised gay people getting married in Australia. I thought he was joking and took me a few minutes to realise this guy was dead serious

Some old lady was over fir dinner and she asked me why i only eat certain things. I told her that i don't eat meat. It took some time for her to compute and fired back: but you can eat fish. I said, no, because they are animals too. You could see the gears spinning again before she said that banger: i don't think that's true, because they don't even bleed.

A coworker of mine thinks that climate change isn't real and that believing that humans have the capability is pure hubris. And a few months after he told me that, he claimed that windmills were making tornados worse.

An old boyfriends Dad never used indicators when he drove, because " they should know where I'm going"

I met a boy once who thought that a blowjob meant he'd take off all his clothes and then I'd blow on his skin ... I mean, it's subtle and probably pleasant, but most guys prefer the regular kind

I knew a girl that was convinced that ~90% of planes crash...

I had to ask her "do you really think they'd keep making them if almost all of them killed people?"

Once in Kindergarten I overheard two adults talking. They were concerned about kids drinking from the same cup because of ... AIDS. That day I learned that even adults could be ignorant. I definitely knew that AIDS could only be transmitted through blood and specifically not through spit.

I didn't know about the other way but after hearing about AIDS in the news my (I think) brother assured me that it couldn't be transmitted through spit.

When the first Covid vaccine came out a coworker told me she wouldn't get it. Supposedly the vaccine had "killed 90% of the population in Bulgaria already". I told her I thought we'd have heard about it if that was the case, but she was convinced that the media was covering it up.

She later claimed she was deathly allergic to the vaccine, so I ask which part of it. From what I know you can react to a vaccine if you are allergic to eggs or chicken. That's a pretty common food item and it would be good to know if your coworker has such an allergy. I also asked where she keeps her epipen so I could help her in an emergency. She claimed she always left her epipen at home and that she was allergic against a lot of medication. She never mentioned any allergies again afterwards and they seemed to have mysteriously disappeared after the pandemic was over.

Just now...

Low hanging fruit, but "The next president of the United States is Donald J. Trump". And I heard that shit twice. The second time was definitely the dumber of the two, but the drop off from 2nd to 3rd dumbest thing is about as wide as the known universe. It's cartoonish in its absurdity.

But the dumbest thing I've heard personally from an individual is that unbaptised babies who die go straight to hell. I was told this by a woman who liked to preach Jesus' eternal unconditional love in my town centre. I'm atheist, but by default. Like, I didn't read my way into it or anything, I just completely lack any impulse to believe despite being made to go to Catholic mass every week for 17 years. All that's to say that I don't have particular animosity towards believers, but that kind of believer can suck a dirty dog dick.

Apart from it being insanely unfair to babies - roasting away like a rotisserie chicken without even the consciousness to know what's going on - it's also beyond evil to tell that to believers who've lost children soon after birth due to disease before they even leave the hospital, or have miscarried through no fault of their own, etc. Strangely, I never hear that argument from the anti-abortion religious fanatics. That is, "don't abort the baby, or it'll be sent straight into Satan's Big Green Egg!"

Imagine being Satan, and having a daily influx of humans too young and unformed to even walk when prodded by a demon's pitchfork. Even a supremely evil entity like he's alleged to be would have to wonder just what the fuck is going on with heavenly bureaucracy for this to be the way things are done.

"Monkeys are brown because they eat bananas. You know how flamingos turn pink because they eat shrimp? Well monkeys eat bananas and bananas turn brown" -two dead ass serious girls I met

"People didn't use crossbows when trying to siege a castle because the bolts fly in a straight line, so they fly over castle walls" -college history professor, about to be surprised gravity existed in the middle ages

Any of trumps speeches.

That or the things his followers say to justify why they follow him.

“Can you find me an outlet that works”, during a building wide power outage. We have critical systems that run on UPS and wanted me to unplug something so their laptop battery didn’t die.

A teacher in highschool put this up on the screen and told us to read it to ourselves,

"Aocdcrnig to rseecrah at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno’t mttaer in waht oderr the lterets in a wrod are, the olny irpoamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rhgit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whoutit a pboerlm. Tihs is bucseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey ltteer by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe."

Then some bright light in the back of the room asked if that was actually true after fully comprehending what was in front of them.

Ladies and gentlemen your 47th President of the USA....