I sleep like an artisan, in the time honored tradition of my ancestors. as a bedcore tradsleeper, my unconscious is skillmaxed.
this post was submitted on 20 Aug 2025
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El Chisme
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Yeah I've been working on boosting my Sleep Elo lately, I started out at just 500 but I'm up to around 1600 now. I think in a few more months I might try to become a pro sleeper. I just ordered some RGB Alienware pillows, once I get those set up I can really become a Slumber-Chad.
I'm in sleep elo hell because of my fucking teammates
$100 million dollars for this. We should genuinely start selling finance bros tulip futures.
TapeAI, the artificial intelligence that has been fed thousands of hours of people using all kinds of tape so that it can mathematically deduce the exact size and placement of tape when sealing items, in order to optimize usage and eliminate waste.
Simply submit to the app a ten second clip of the item to be sealed, and TapeAi will scan it and deliver a tape-based solution that is custom tailored for your problem.
You got any AI in them tulips?
I white-knuckle my sleep. I don't optimize SHIT. I have no stats. I surrender to the primeval will of Morpheus like a goddamned neanderthal. My pillow does not have an app. My mattress has no firmware.
I'm thinking Luxury firm-ware now
decades
Good to know the geniuses are in control
i prefer vintage analog sleep
Can't beat that honk shoo, honk shoo, wee wee wee weeeeee
Honk shoo honk shoo sleepers vs honk mimimimimimimi honk mimimimimimimi sleepers
They're going to put ads in dreams, aren't they?
I looked it up. It is a smart mattress with an annual subscription for features like auto-adjusting height, heating/cooling, and health monitoring
- Cheapest model is $2648
- Most expensive model goes up to $6796. This includes:
- the most expensive subscription
- largest size mattress (California king)
- all the add-ons
- The smart blanket alone is $1000 and is not machine-washable or dry-cleanable
- The mattress does not come with legs included in the base model
- Its subscriptions are between $200 and $400 billed annually
- A subscription is required for any of the functionality you’re paying for. Without the subscription, it becomes a dumb old mattress
Gotta go to work so I can pay this month's mattress subscription
I got a nut
it becomes a dumb old mattress
the heat thing is water based so it really becomes less than a dumb old mattress because water bed with no temparature control is going to be miserable
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I love the exchange about biphasic sleep as if it’s some long lost sleep pattern from the dark ages. Isn’t biphasic sleep just taking a nap in the middle of the day, something many people still do.
There's several ways to do it. Taking a 20 or 90 minute nap mid day is common, it can also mean waking up for a few hours in the night. I'd say usually when people say biphasic they are referring to the later but yes, a nap and a long sleep is also biphasic.
Fair enough. I did know someone that used to follow a polyphasic sleep schedule that would have him up sometimes twice a night.
Yeah, siestas are biphasic. Once again "innovators" have "discovered" something people all over the world were already doing.
bi phasic sleep posed as a preindustrial phenomenon is a bunk but widespread pop history story
Using AI to track and adjust your sleep, just like the good ol' days hundreds of years ago.
I was around when John Sleep invented Sleeping^TM^ in 1972
Actually sleep was developed by accident when a British team of scientists led by John Sleep were working on developing a more effective smoko. Prior to that, people were lying in their beds at night with their eyes open
John Sleep remains the only person to have been awarded both the Nobel Prize in medicine and the Nobel Peace Prize for the same achievement.
John Sleep invented sleeping when he tried to lay down twice
I sleep like baby
and this is why you fail
:sensei-sleepi:
Maybe all our sleep is disrupted by a massively fucked schedule and lifestyle dictated by modern society? Nah, it's just because your mattress isn't ai powered
me not having access to this new technology
Rube convention in the replies
Right, where do I put my feet?
If you sleep better, you can sleep less, which means you can work longer hours 👍
Sleep is one of the last things I enjoy, they can take it from my cold dead…. Brain?
~~Sleep, but VR~~
~~Sleep, but on the blockchain~~
Sleep, but AI
A YouTuber tried to "go camping in Skyrim" via VR once, not surprisingly having a big thing on your head makes it hard to relax even with the soothing sounds of Jeremy Soule.
sleep went woke in 1964 when the civil rights act was signed
“Communism doesn’t work because muh human nature” people are guaranteed to have a goldfish-level understanding of human nature
I was sleeping like a rude (undiagnosed sleep apnea) but now I sleep like a pro! (got a cpap)
No, thank you. I raw-dog sleep like a chad.
disrupting sleepytime
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