Comcrap Slaveway Krueger Home Despot
this post was submitted on 01 Aug 2026
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Jimmy Johns: similar to Pei Wei & PF Chang's, there is a fancier, more expensive version of the restaurant named James Jonathan.
Fiat: Fix It Again Tony 🤌🏻🤌🏻
Google: it used to be an in joke with my friends to say "giggle it" instead of google it. Now we don't use google of course...
Best Buy: Worst Buy
Target: it is pronounced "tar-jay" because it is the fancy version of Walmart
711 was a part time job!
Electronic Farts
Cockstar Games
Ubibad (pronounced You Be Bad)
Micro$haft (pre-MicroSlop era)
Nintendon't (thank you, SEGA)
Jizzard-Gotnovision
I mean microslop is pretty dang good
I usually call them Microshaft
Less good but also M$
Micro$lop
I bet they wish people had stuck with "Micro$oft"
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Swasticar
And their premier vehicle, the CyberStuck
Samsung --> Samsucks
PlayStation --> PayStation (Not a company name, but close enough)
I have a queer friend that calls his GMC Yukon his Gay Man's Chariot. When we go places in it he usually initiates by saying something like "to the chariot"
That is both awesome and the best acronym for GMC I’ve heard. The best one I’d previously hears was Get My Chequebook.
When I had a Samsung TV, I hated it intensely and printed a label that said "scamsung." That TV eventually went to the recyclers with that label still covering the Samsung one.
McDonalds→McDicks→McPenis. I'm mature.
There's a gas station chain called Kum & Go but it's also referred to as Jizz and Jet or Ejaculate and Evacuate.
Skeet & Yeet
Bust & Bounce
Nut & Bolt
Blow Your Load and Hit the Road
Nut and Bolt is fucking great!
Nut & Bolt is getting added to the repertoire. Something about how the double meaning relies on changing them from two nouns to two verbs tickles something.
With a name like that you could say they were screwed from the start.
There could be a whole thread just on the variations of that concept, but the most obvious for a gas station has to be "Pump and Dump"
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The American embassy for McDonalds
"Home Despot" is one of my favs from Joey Santore of crime pays but botany doesn't.
I've heard "Home Desparate" before
Found On Road Dead
Just Empty Every Pocket
Fix It Again Tony
Fehler In Allen Teilen (failure in all parts).
Drips Oil Dirt & Grime Everwhere (or everyday)
I prefer "Find Immediate Alternative Transportation"
And wanted to add "Acutely Unreliable Despite Investment"
I prefer "Find Immediate Alternative Transportation"
I haven't heard that one before! That's good!
Ive heard Fix Or Repair Daily
Charbucks
Starfucks
Whole Foods -> Whole Paycheck
Walmart is its own insult.
I’ve never understood this. Whole Foods consistently costs less than competitors in my area.
There’s a trucking company called Swift that gets a lot of flak for hiring inexperienced drivers. One of the nicer ones is So What I Failed Training. The rudest one I’ve heard ends with Toddlers, you can probably work out the rest, but you probably shouldn’t.
See What I Fucked-up Today is another good one
Stevie Wonder Institute For Trucking is my personal favorite
Nintendon't on account of their rabid intellectual property protection and litigious nature.
Works as both what they might say to would-be infringers as well as advice to avoid them. (Which people ignore because Zelda, Mario and childhood memories.)
Sega started that. “Sega does what Nintendon’t.” Going back to the 80s. Maybe 90s.
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I sometimes call McDonalds „The Gilded Seagull Inn“
Fucking amazing. Some DnD game master is absolutely going to steal that and see how long it takes one of the players to break character.
Food court near me named Choices gets called "Chances".
Pontiac stands for Poor Old Neanderthal Thinks It's A Cadillac.
When I grew up it wasn't neanderthal 🫤
McDoogles and Brogger Krog for mcds and burger king. Not sure why..
Ford = Found On Road Dead
Dodge (n.) - To avoid
F*ckin' Old Rebuilt Dodge
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Some friendlier ones. There was once an expensive camera brand called "Exakta" but Exakta owners affectionately called them "Approxima".
I worked near a slightly fancy Chinese restaurant called Royal East but my coworkers (who went there often) liked to call it "Royal Eats".
There was a nearby supermarket called Purity Supreme but people called it Poverty Supreme. That was waaaay before Whole Foods.
Amherst, Massachusetts was sometimes anagrammed to "Hamster". I mean you could address letters that way and they'd get there.
Fiat: Fix It Again Tomorrow, Lotus: Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious
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