this post was submitted on 02 Apr 2026
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This is an urgent matter of national security. Call Ann Murray, Rush, The Montreal Canadians, Rick Mercer and anyone still alive from SCTV to form an investigation squad. Mark Carney needs to invoke the notwithstanding clause to strip the perpetrators of their constitutional right to a fair trial and we'll jump straight to summary execution.
Then we'll apologize to Canadians and celebrate reconciliation with a pancake breakfast at a sugar shack.
In Quebec, maple syrup offenses are the only way someone can get the death penalty. /s