Probably a tattoo parlour

Somewhere uncomfortable, like the back of a Volkswagen.

I asked about getting one to cover up my open heart surgery scar.

"You know that's really going to hurt, right?"

"More or less than open heart surgery?"

". . . Good point."

Turned out, the top 1/2 of the scar is too bumpy to take ink well, the bottom 1/2 too squishy. So still just a scar. :( or is that :) ?

Upper arm. Most times it is covered, but one can easily show it if desired. Pain is lower in the outside than say, the part underneath your pit.

Cornhole. Trust me, you'll never forget it.

My first was across my spine between my shoulder blades and the next two were small on the insides of my wrists. I don't think either was overly painful. The only one that really hurt was the part of my side piece that crossed on to my stomach. Fuck that noise. Tbh, I don't worry about whether I can cover them. No one has cared in years.

Some place where they proofread

A tattoo parlor and not someone's basement.

Random, but I got my first tattoo on the inside of my forearm and my wife loves it because she can see it while I drive. I got it before I even met her, but it worked out in my favor lol.

Definitely pick a spot based on the tattoo you want. Mine fit best horizontally because it's clipped from a Calvin & Hobbes panel. Like others have mentioned, if you're shy about having one, consider something easily covered vs somewhere less painful.

Mine was one my back. It's my only one and I often forget about it because I never see it. I'll catch it in a mirror and stop and take a look.

Anywhere easy to hide, definitely.

And no names unless it's your kids.

If you want a tattoo, or several, it'll sort of decide for you. Like go into a shop, meet some artists, look through their portfolios. Something will jump out at you and the pain will work itself out. Really, meet the artists. You want someone you vibe with. You're going to be in an intimate relationship with them. And you don't want some nut-jobs mojo getting in your skin.

Everyone feels tattoos different. My worst were my elbows, center of my sternum, and by far the worst, my inner wrist. My buddy had real problems getting his palm done but mine just felt weird. I've heard ribs are torture but mine were OK. The top of my foot was brutal, my friend (different dude) said he almost didn't feel his. Keeping clean, follow whatever after-care that particular artist says to do until you learn your body and have experience on how you personally heal. And after it's healed, sunscreen.

Also, try to remember, tattoos aren't a static piece, they're dynamic. They change over time and you wear them in. They're like a good pair of jeans, they reflect wear and tear. They can fade a bit, they can get a little muted. This is part of the beauty. They aren't stickers.

I got my first tattoo on my chest as a pretty skinny dude (upper peck / under the shoulder). Pain wasn't terrible for the most part, and like other good spots it's covered most of the time but visible when wearing a tank-top.

Just below the shoulder on the upper arm. Of course it depends on what you're getting.

I'm a total wimp and I went upper outer thigh. Got it at a reputable place, but spur of the moment with a friend. Very little pain, almost always hidden, but as a bonus, gives me an excuse to hike up my shorts/skirt when it comes up in conversation.

I got my first on my chest, below collar bone, above nipple. It seems to be real easy to cover. The ladies also love seeing just a little of it on a low cut shirt.

It didn't hurt very much, took roughly 3-4 hours and was easy to keep clean and moist for recovery

Pain to me is not really that important a metric. Figure out where you think it'll bring you the most joy. Most of mine are reasonably visible and I'm very glad for it. Tattoos are much less stigmatized than before.

As for durability, as long as you take good care of it while it heals and you wear sun screen after, most places other than hands and feet will likely do well. Less sun the better but that makes them hard to look at most of the time.

Eyes.

Go fuckin' big.

I still regret not doing it before I met my spouse; the idea gives them panic attacks because it squicks them out so much, but it's one thing I've wanted to be able to do for 30+ years, a solid 10 years before it was even first done. Finally had my chance when I got divorced from my ex-, but met my current (hopefully final) spouse too soon to do more than email the one artist globally that I actually to do it. (FWIW, that artist is Luna Cobra).

Look at lots of designs online, The artists that work there will have their personal work shown online, and when you find the style you like just check the reviews for a place that has "clean" and "professional" in a lot of their reviews.

go in person for a vibe check, see if you feel relaxed around the artists and you can comfortably talk about what design you want with them.

put that altogether, you should have a first good ink.

you can get lazy and sloppy afterwards, haha.

Shoulder was easy, but I never get to see it. Top of foot was hard, but I get to see it all the time. Both are easy to cover.

Upper arms and shoulders is what I did and it's worked out well, my tattoos are all from over 30 years ago (back when it was very unusual for a woman) and have held up so well.

My advice is - pick a good artist and go bigger than you think, the bigger ones hold up and are a better fit for the technology, media, and surface. People think small and discreet and that just turns to mush.

I did arms and shoulders for longevity because those areas are easy to cover and unlikely to grow and shrink with weight gain or loss.

Above the bum

I mean, I only have one and it's on my wrist and I didn't feel anything, so that spot was good.

I just got my first on my tricep, at a music festival lol

Inside of my left wrist is where I got mine. It's small enough to be covered by my watch band.

Throat. If you can take it, you'll be fine anywhere

At Mustapha's place, right behind the train station.