Programmer Humor

Making "smart" devices that can't do routine mundane things without an active internet connection is completely fucking stupid.

Has nobody else pointed out this is clearly not real?

The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at and repair.

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Maybe it needs a connection cause it takes a picture of your feces and sends it to an AI analysis service. If anomalies are detected, it tells you that you should take the stool sample to a laboratory for further study, then lets you flush. Poof, smart toilet. I could see people with too much money buying this.

Edit: Thought about it some more.. why stop at feces images? Why not also have a high resolution camera pointed at your anus taking crowning shots and analyzing those. Tell users if anythings wrong. The future is ~~bright~~ brown boys. The future is brown.

Edit2: You could even have motion based security.. alert if anyone broke in through your bathroom. Cameras in toilets people! What could go wrong?

Edit3: Hear me out. User controlled bidet mode + anus camera. Take out your phone and clean your ass in first person. Score points if you clean your whole ass and compete on an online scoreboard. Tech sure is amazing.

they can always ask chatgpt how to fix the problem

Okay, I get the idea of smart AC for example - be elsewhere, turn it on remotely so that it's comfortable when you get home. Fine. But a toilet? You are physically present there, you can push a button to flush. Or are you telling me that you're shitting remotely now too?

"Ok, so what you can see in the logs?"

"Sweetcorn."

Why would you ever get a toilet that requires anything but the laws of physics to operate?

I can consider acceptable for the kettles to be connected to the internet if, and only if, they answer always with a 418 status code.

Day 3,801 of thanking God I was born a Luddite

Anyone who thought their toilet would be improved by having an internet connection deserves this

If it doesn't work well without the Internet, it's a bad investment. Features that require the Internet degrading a bit is one thing, but if a toilet or toaster can't do its basic job offline, it was ewaste the second it rolled off the factory line.

I've put a few smart lights/switches/sensors/power points in at home. Definitely helps mum as we can have wireless switches for the lights, and motion sensors to turn the hallway lights on automatically as well.

For ALL of them, I make sure there is a manual control that will work as a backup regardless. Even if a smart light is "off" due to the motion sensor not detecting movement, all you need to do is turn the old regular light switch off then back on and the light will default to being back on.

Well, shit.

My sister's new apartment's front door has a "smart lock", hooked up to Ring, naturally. No keyhole, you open it with your phone. It also runs on batteries.

Do I really need to say any more? We were baffled.

EDIT: Correction - there IS a keyhole but the actual tenants don't have access to it. Only the property management. Creepy. :|

I don't think any of these people know what "smart" is supposed to mean cause these must be the dumbest ideas for any product I've heard so far.

The difference between an IT person and a tech enthusiast

Terminally online, even for #2

Home assistant everything is a yaml away

And yet I hear dumbshits bragging all time about how alexa controls my (insert thing that definitely does not need automation here).

These sort of people never think beyond tomorrow and it shows.

If one day there is only smart toilets, I will go shit in the woods and start to live like an animal. Clearly humanity was a mistake and we should return to monke

The fact that everything is controlled through "The Cloud" and some godforsaken subscription service is so terribly sad, funny, and horrifying at the same time. We've literally found every conceivable way to gather and sell people's data while simultaneously milking them out of every last cent with the whole FOMO mentality driven through every piece of hardware and software now sold. It is just absolutely fucking preposterous. We're living in a virtual hellscape that doesn't seem to be going away anytime soon.