this post was submitted on 05 Mar 2026
460 points (99.8% liked)

Not The Onion

20718 readers
1473 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] muusemuuse@sh.itjust.works 3 points 6 hours ago

Whereas the rest of us learned to regulate our emotions during childhood.

[–] humanspiral@lemmy.ca 3 points 6 hours ago

A feeling based on a concept of a fact.

[–] Fedizen@lemmy.world 13 points 11 hours ago

Republicans have cosigned all this shit by not impeaching him.

[–] SabinStargem@lemmy.today 2 points 8 hours ago* (last edited 8 hours ago)

That feeling was a stiffy, at the thought of hurting people.

[–] AffineConnection@lemmy.world 2 points 8 hours ago

I've got a feeling
A feeling I can't hide
Oh no

[–] TwilitSky@lemmy.world 9 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

Worst Black Eyed Peas Song Ever.

[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 3 points 12 hours ago
[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 7 points 13 hours ago

so why was it again you were so adamant Krasnov was the right candidate again ozma?

[–] SnarkoPolo@lemmy.world 5 points 13 hours ago

The "News" Media Sez: "In another bold move Dear Leader follows his guts! YAY TROOPS!"

[–] 100_kg_90_de_belin@feddit.it 13 points 17 hours ago

The president had a feeling, again, based on fact

Calling it "fact" doesn't make it one

[–] blinfabian@feddit.nl 27 points 20 hours ago

what was he feeling? little children?

[–] ouRKaoS@lemmy.today 69 points 1 day ago (2 children)

From the makers of "Vibe Coding", we present to you "Vibe foreign policy!"

[–] GalacticSushi@piefed.blahaj.zone 30 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

You're absolutely right! I told you to bomb Iran without considering all of the obvious fallout. That's on me, and in the future I'll do more to accurately convey the potential ramifications of any foreign policy decisions I suggest.

In the meantime, I can help you spin this disaster. Let me know if you want me to:

🦅 Help draft a propaganda piece smearing any detractors as unpatriotic

💣 Generate an image that looks like satellite imagery of a weapons grade uranium enrichment facility

👶 Organize a hangout with your friends to help blow off some steam

Just let me know what you'd like me to get started on. And remember, you got this!

[–] reptar@lemmy.world 5 points 17 hours ago
[–] calmblue75@lemmy.ml 8 points 22 hours ago* (last edited 21 hours ago)

It is about pre-emptively invading other countries on the basis of made up attacks.

[–] Slashme@lemmy.world 8 points 18 hours ago (4 children)

Wait, it's called operation "Epic Fury"?? What's this, WWE?

[–] remon@ani.social 14 points 17 hours ago (1 children)
[–] aaa999@lemmy.world 1 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

honest to god this is how you know everyone competent has been fired any competent person would be like "sir you're setting everyone up with an easy joke how about like Operation Freedom Speed or Operations Sick Spins"

[–] AA5B@lemmy.world 2 points 12 hours ago

Never forget the furry

[–] PyroNeurosis@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 points 17 hours ago

Half of the cabinet is media fucks. McMahon herself is Sec. of Education. This is Pro Wrestling: The Administration.

[–] NutWrench@lemmy.ml 3 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

Operation Epic Fury . . . Operation Steel Weiner . . . Operation Hot, Oily Buttocks . . .

It's always one of these desperate, striving names that a bunch of 12 year old boys would come up with.

[–] Fedizen@lemmy.world 1 points 13 hours ago

Operation Your Momma

[–] 9blb@feddit.org 1 points 17 hours ago
[–] Tollana1234567@lemmy.today 18 points 22 hours ago

that feeling is the pressure of the epstein files being released.

[–] DragonAce@lemmy.world 4 points 17 hours ago* (last edited 17 hours ago)

He had a feeling and it was called "fear of the Epstein files".

[–] daannii@lemmy.world 89 points 1 day ago (3 children)

He wants to do a nuke so bad.

We should all be terrified.

[–] ViscloReader@lemmy.world 6 points 11 hours ago

I really hope this fucking moron dies and suffer a lot

[–] T00l_shed@lemmy.world 38 points 1 day ago (5 children)

He really wants to drop the bomb. Its so fucked up

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 1 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

He can't. The strict command and control structure between POTUS and launch keys will break down, just as it did with 3 or 4 events during the Cold War.

[–] T00l_shed@lemmy.world 1 points 7 hours ago

Doesn't mean he doesn't want to. Also they have been replacing "dissenters" with loyalists.

[–] wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz 5 points 13 hours ago

"First president to do it in over 80 years. They said it couldn't be done. 'Sir, you can't do this," they said. The greatest president in American history, the strongest president. They came to me with tears in their eyes, they said 'please sir, don't do it.'"

[–] deadbeef79000@lemmy.nz 9 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I'm reasonably sure that is "the big one" he mentioned the other day.

[–] T00l_shed@lemmy.world 4 points 18 hours ago

My thoughts too

[–] FatVegan@leminal.space 3 points 20 hours ago

Someone just nuke his ass first.

[–] Ilovethebomb@sh.itjust.works 14 points 1 day ago

Everyone's got their kink.

[–] tempest@lemmy.ca 12 points 1 day ago

He is fucking busy shitting his pants and napping in his retirement home in Florida.

It's the ghouls around him that actually have the follow through to make sense of the mad kings ramblings.

[–] slothrop@lemmy.ca 52 points 1 day ago
[–] altphoto@lemmy.today 12 points 1 day ago

Me, I just wipe and flush the toilet after I have one of those feelings.

[–] p03locke@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 points 23 hours ago

Fuck your feelings! 2026

[–] dizzle18@lemmy.zip 34 points 1 day ago

Hopefully that feeling is his left arm going tingly and numb because he’s about to have a massive heart attack that’ll finally finish the fucking job.

[–] gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works 27 points 1 day ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] InternetCitizen2@lemmy.world 12 points 1 day ago

Someone should ask him if he feels the rest of the Epstein Files are hiding in Tehran.

[–] Asafum@lemmy.world 11 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

🎶

"And when I get that feeling, I want military healing.

Military healing is good for me

Makes me feel so fine, it's such a rush

Helps to relieve the mind (of Epstein files), and it's good for us (mostly me)"

🎶

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] crunchy@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 points 1 day ago
[–] D_C@sh.itjust.works 13 points 1 day ago

That was just the incontinence.

load more comments
view more: next ›