Ask Lemmy

Literally visualizing a stop sign. Works almost every time. When it doesn't work though, whew boy.

That doubting voice in your head that tells you why you’ll fail? Ask it back: “is this helping?”

If it doesn’t answer “yes”, tell it to fuck right off and then keep on doing what you’re doing.

(This has been an oversimplified commercial for cognitive behaviour therapy.)

I can say that drinking wasn’t a solution.

• Avoid all or nothing thinking and perfectionism, one time fail is no excuse for giving up all. Do this one badly, the next one will be better (applies indefinitely).

• Make up a fantasy why doing the thing is my sacred duty because I'm the chosen one (silly but works)

• Be kind to yourself. I found this the hardest one - start noticing your negative self-talk, and replace it with words of kindness and patience. This is basically a re-parenting where you re-train the voice of authority inside of yourself. It took me about 2 years from a therapist noticing it in me and suggesting I should work on it to today, where I am mostly free of it.

• Start thing now. By asking 'What can I do to start thing more easily?' you are actually procrastinating again. Reading the manual (again and again), reading one self-help book after another, or endlessly buying more tools or craft supplies can be an avoidance strategy. And remember point one, if you didn't manage to start now, you can start now now, or the next now that is available.

Do it scared.

Go for easy wins. If it's cleaning my house, pick up one or two socks, I put it in the right spot, then find something in the area I dropped the socks off, get that organized. And just keep doing that until everything is where I feel it needs to be.

If it's a healthy habit, daily flossing as an example, I don't beat myself over missing a day or three, I just focus on the fact I am going to do it today, in fact as soon as I am able to. Make some kind of reminder for you to do it again, either in your calendar, or by placing floss packs in places you will notice them, or your wallet, phone etc.

Focus from induced panic is only for things I would be in trouble for not completing.

Self-sabotage when you experience a major life change (like taking a new job, for instance) is apparently a symptom of ADHD. I only discovered this last year when I went to see a therapist for feeling like I was in my own head, ruminating about the uncertain future, imposter syndrome, feeling like I wanted to quit, etc.

Therapy helped tremendously. Consider reaching out to a professional who specializes in ADHD/Anxiety disorders. They can help you come up with ways to cope with the feelings and make it through the adjustment period without blowing up your own plans and goals.

Good advice on this thread, but the only one that will work for you is: find a good therapist.

A good therapist is one that not only understands your issue, but also understands you, and is able to guide you in a way that works for you. Not all people will be healed by using the same methods, and the main task of a good therapist is to find the one that clicks for you.

I would tell what worked for me, but it may not be useful. But the previous step worked: I found a good therapist which told me what I had to do.

(In case you’re already talking to an LLM: please don’t. I compared my therapist’s advice with those of an LLM -with a good prompt and all cautions observed- but the LLM didn’t “get” me and its advice was useless and sometimes outright wrong)

Edit: after reading some more replies, some people recommend taking drugs (legal or illegal). DON’T. The wrong drug will fuck you up. This includes antidepressants. Wait until a good therapist prescribes them for you. If the therapist and the GP disagree, follow the therapist’s advice. In my case this was critical as it helped me find the right medication and later quit it successfully - which is as important if not more than taking it.

For me something that helps a lot is doing things not for myself, but for others: can't clean up your house? Help a friend who also cannot do it, clean up their house. Doing something for others feels good in general, and it allows me to procrastinate on my own stuff, while doing something worthwhile nonetheless. And then when I return to my own problems eventually, I have these memories of myself doing the very things that my brain is telling me I cannot do, which is a great source of inspiration to l not listen to that part of my brain.

If you dont believe in yourself who will ?.

No one else gets to define you. Only you. It doesn't matter what people think.

Just put in the work daily and the results will come. Use a habit tracking app to gamify it if needed.

If your circle is getting you down or doubting you, change your circle. Not everyone wants to see you succeed. As you get older you cut people out that no longer align with the life you want for yourself. It can be friends and also family.

You got this OP

I went to a doctor and got anti depressants

Self-forgiveness, practicing thankfulness, and incremental growth.

I tend to ruminate on my failures and shortcomings. Guilt can be a powerful motivator/teacher for positive change, but dwelling on it for too long or too much prevents you from following through on those lessons. At some point before that happens you need to forgive yourself and give yourself permission to move forward past that guilt. I found myself doing this so many times I eventually put together a playlist of songs to help me reset, forgive myself, and restart. I recommend you do something similar. https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLeC2eNJHSGPcKuKjBAMN8sS7F_Vt9gqsN

There is no point in working on a life that has no joy or good in it. When I ruminate I tend to lose sight of the good things that are already present. Acknowledging those good things, even if they feel sparse or small, may help you feel the potential for more good things or inspire new goals and things you want to achieve.

Incremental growth is the hardest but most powerful thing of these three. When I first acknowledged that I was cycling between short highs and long lows, my goal was simple; during the few times I felt good, instead of basking in feeling good before the crash invest that good feeling into either making future good times longer or bad times shorter. It took many slow years before I started hitting a tipping point where the good started to outweigh the bad, and even then one bad thing happening out of my control threw me back several steps. It takes a lot of patience with yourself to grow, but the other two things I mentioned makes it easier.

Honestly? Fake it till you make it. Has worked for me, especially if imposter syndrome kicks in. That’s what most people are doing anyway, they just don’t think about it.

Honestly, you might want to try some psychedelic drugs. Even just once might help you sort things out. Preferably only with the support and supervision of someone who knows what they're doing with those drugs and someone you can trust.

But, really, they can often bring such a shift in perspective -- literally getting you out of your own head -- that they can turn a life around, even with just one use.

Baby toe unexpectedly hitting an immovable object works pretty well short term, but is hardly a grest solution. Best solution other than seeking professional help is to try hobbies that encourage live human interaction.

explosive diarrhea

Some people find it helpful to name the negative self-talk voice. Then you can say things like, "shut up, Karen. You never have useful suggestions."

There is also something in toddler parenting called a "no thanks bite." That's the first vite of food that you have to decide if you want to say "no thanks." It works with toddlers because there is less pressure around eating, and you are allowed to try new things that you might later decide not to have.

The adult version is the same. When trying out a new health routine, etc., you can do a "no thanks try." Say, I am going to go to the gym this week and next week. If it works out, I may go again after that, or I may not. It just depends on whether it fits in my routine.

Remember that we have routines for reasons. We don't always know why. Routines are very hard to change while the underlying reasons persist.

Imagine yourself after you've done the thing you want to start doing. (e.g. any goal you have, your laundry being folded, the acceptance email for a job you'd want, something you own that's broken working again, etc)

Then, ask yourself if your current mindset is getting you to that point. If it's not, then tell that voice to fuck off because you want what you envisioned and if it won't help you get there, it's not worth listening to.

To be clear, I struggle with this a lot, and this strategy doesn't help a lot of the time, but nobody's perfect, and a coping strategy is a coping strategy even if it doesn't work every time. Nobody here giving advice has a silver bullet, and most probably don't always even live by their own words all the time, so also make sure not to fall into the trap of assuming everyone else here is succeeding at it and you're the only one failing if a given strategy doesn't work for you :)

Not sure if you mean getting stuck in negative thought patterns, or just failing to follow through, but if its the former:

Buddhist meditation is centred around the idea that you can exercise conscious control over your thoughts. By recognising thoughts (not just negative thoughts) and eliminating them one at a time, you enter a meditative trance.

Once developed, that skill can be used to get out of a negative thought spiral.

Just be aware that there are all sorts of Buddhists and meditation out there. Some people will tell you that just sitting still is meditation. That would not be as useful. I found Awakening the Buddha Within by Lama Surya Das (A white ethnically Jewish American guy despite the name!) to be a great start.

It depends. Do you have self confidence issues or could you be neurodivergent?

Talking with my psychologist about this and admittedly it's not easy because finding a tool that works for you individually is the hard part.

For me running does it but if I can't run what do I do? We are working on body scanning which helps a bit. Slow down and distract your mind. I'm going to start reading again for example.

What you need to work in understanding is as I put it theres two competing voices in my head and the self sabotage is there because, and it's fucked up, it's a way of protecting yourself. You need to acknowledge it but also tell it when it's not the time or place

They offer it or I just ask.

Oh no wait, you said 'get out of'. Got u.

If you're able to form healthy habits before you eventually break them, you're not doing too bad, I'd take that as a great sign!

For me, medication helps me be more focused and keep up with things for longer.

Listen to audio books

I'll sometimes talk to myself and sort things out that way. Sometimes saying it out loud makes me realize the idea is dumb or my process is out of order or whatever. I mean this in like a whats the plan/goal kind of conversation not so much a chit chat about the weather.

My head is both a source anxiety and comfort. I can live a life worth living in there but the OCD and general anxiety makes my real life living hell.