980
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[-] CarbonIceDragon@pawb.social 160 points 4 weeks ago

As a former cashier (grocery store not walmart admittedly, but I doubt things are that different), I dont think weird uses for the items are the way to go, the cashier is barely even going to notice or care what you're buying. what I bring to freak out the cashier, are some item that needs ID to buy, some big heavy item with the barcode removed so that it will take a bunch of lifting and turning in a hopeless effort to find it before someone eventually has to go find another one and bring it over, and a propane refill if walmart does those (at my grocery store the process to go find a full one was a pain, especially in the winter since they were outside). Further, I try to buy these items with the help of a ton of expired and unexpired coupons mixed together, several gift cards, and a stubborn half-deaf old person who wont take no for an answer.

[-] Mpatch@lemmy.world 102 points 4 weeks ago

You are a fucking monster. The point of this was to have some laughs not cause a poor walmart employee to beat their spouse or off them selves. Damn you're cruel.

[-] CarbonIceDragon@pawb.social 56 points 4 weeks ago

Hey, it could always get worse. I could also specify that these items are purchased on a Sunday that a locally favored football team happens to be playing a game, during the rush of people buying snacks and soda.

[-] AmosBurton_ThatGuy@lemmy.ca 13 points 4 weeks ago

ಠ_ಠ

ლ(ಠ益ಠლ)

┬──┬ ノ( ゜-゜ノ)

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻)

[-] Buddahriffic@lemmy.world 23 points 4 weeks ago

Would it be more or less frustrating if instead of an old person, it's a middle aged person who clearly doesn't understand the language but keeps smiling and nodding as if you're on the same page and any time you try to prompt for information, they encouragingly push their items towards you or try to pay you in a currency you don't recognize?

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
[-] programmer_belch@lemmy.dbzer0.com 65 points 4 weeks ago

I'm going with the classic:

Pringles can

Gloves

Sponge

[-] bobs_monkey@lemm.ee 23 points 4 weeks ago
load more comments (1 replies)
[-] Fullyloadedsnowflake@lazysoci.al 51 points 4 weeks ago
[-] thenextguy@lemmy.world 54 points 4 weeks ago

You can't buy Kentucky at Walmart.

[-] alester82@lemmy.world 20 points 4 weeks ago

Oh, I thought they sold it by the Florida ounce

load more comments (3 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[-] TheOakTree@lemm.ee 37 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago)

How to end up on a watchlist:

Pressure cooker, nails, prepaid phone

load more comments (2 replies)
[-] masterofn001@lemmy.ca 36 points 4 weeks ago

Gun, bleach, get well card.

[-] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 35 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago)

Kid's backpack, kid's lunchbox, and a gun.

The back to school in America special.

load more comments (2 replies)
[-] don@lemm.ee 28 points 4 weeks ago
[-] ValorieAF@lemmy.world 17 points 4 weeks ago

Ah the old JD Vance

[-] pineapplelover@lemm.ee 12 points 4 weeks ago
[-] don@lemm.ee 12 points 4 weeks ago
load more comments (1 replies)
[-] Fedegenerate@lemmynsfw.com 28 points 4 weeks ago

Mop, wire coat hanger, pregnancy test.

[-] Dudewitbow@lemmy.zip 28 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago)

bleach, ammonia based cleaner, mixing container.

uh oh, accidental chloramine gas bomb

reminder people, do NOT mix bleach with ammonia based cleaners to "speed up cleaning". youll accidentally speed up life

load more comments (9 replies)

I'm good at this

Alligator clamps
Belt
Laxatives

Shipping boxes
Meat cleaver
Adult diapers

Birth control
Bucket
Bleach

Night vision goggles
Fingerless gloves
Bubble bath

Massager
Leather boots
Farady cage EMP bag

Zip ties
Meat grinder
Swim goggles

Funnel
Butt lifting suit
Rope

Prescription strength deodorant
Dog crate
Sorry for your loss card

Wooden cross
Ammo
Jock strap

Okay, actually it's just a script I wrote.

[-] SGG@lemmy.world 24 points 4 weeks ago

The easy-way-to-end-up-with-a-police-visit classic:

  1. Plan B pill

  2. Giant "9" balloon

  3. Vodka.

load more comments (2 replies)
[-] Jiggle_Physics@lemmy.world 23 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago)

I once bought 50 cans of butane. That caused a stir. Managers got involved, I was asked a whole bunch of questions about what I was doing, it was annoying.

Oh yeah, also had a similar experience with spray paint.

load more comments (7 replies)
[-] Flax_vert@feddit.uk 23 points 4 weeks ago

Gun, ammunition, balaclava

load more comments (6 replies)
[-] Fullyloadedsnowflake@lazysoci.al 22 points 4 weeks ago

I think some of you have never been to Walmart and give the employees way too much credit in the intelligence department

[-] Theharpyeagle@lemmy.world 48 points 4 weeks ago

I mean it's more likely that they just don't give a shit anymore.

[-] merc@sh.itjust.works 16 points 4 weeks ago

Yeah, your weird items are probably not even the weirdest the cashier has seen today. And the cashiers are probably barely paying attention to what the items are anyway. They just don't care. They scan the item, the machine beeps, so they put it on the belt. I bet 90% of the time if you asked a cashier what the last item they scanned was, they wouldn't have any idea.

[-] CurlyWurlies4All@slrpnk.net 11 points 4 weeks ago

This is accurate to my experience when I worked at the supermarket.

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] Dyskolos@lemmy.zip 9 points 4 weeks ago

Do you feel good being so vastly intellectually superior to those dumb fucks serving you? Must be awesome 😊

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] Etterra@lemmy.world 16 points 4 weeks ago

Whiskey, hammer, baby rattle.

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] MeatPilot@lemmy.world 16 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago)

Sodium Hydroxide, hacksaw, large trash can

[-] PenisDuckCuck9001@lemmynsfw.com 11 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago)

In the era of ai and facial recognition, this is the only one so far that seems like it could plausibly get you a knock on the door from law enforcement. Good job.

[-] Maggoty@lemmy.world 16 points 4 weeks ago

Car battery

Jumper cables

Duct tape

If you get a bonus then bleach, lye, or tarp rounds it out. Have fun talking to the local police!

[-] Fullyloadedsnowflake@lazysoci.al 22 points 4 weeks ago

None of this would attract attention, this is what you would buy to work on an old car. You don't get out much do you? 🤣

load more comments (14 replies)
load more comments (4 replies)
[-] Kowowow@lemmy.ca 14 points 4 weeks ago

Chlorine, ammonia and a large plastic tub

[-] Upperhand@lemmy.world 14 points 4 weeks ago

Rope, duck tape, and a tarp.

[-] Mycatiskai@lemmy.ca 13 points 4 weeks ago

Shovel, biodegradable garbage bags and zip ties.

load more comments (5 replies)
[-] Sir_Fridge@lemmy.world 12 points 4 weeks ago

Small plastic bags, rubber bands and viagra. (does Walmart sell viagra?)

[-] dohpaz42@lemmy.world 12 points 4 weeks ago

I’m very disappointed. I couldn’t find any cardboard tubes at my local Walmart.

Anyway:

  1. Cardboard tube, at least 3” in diameter
  2. Gerbil food
  3. Candlesticks
load more comments (2 replies)
[-] bionicjoey@lemmy.ca 12 points 4 weeks ago

Toaster, bathtub plug, pop tarts

[-] NegativeInf@lemmy.world 11 points 4 weeks ago

"The 100 piece puzzles were too hard..."

[-] NuWuX@sh.itjust.works 10 points 4 weeks ago

A gallon of blood, tampons, and a Popsicle kit.

load more comments (4 replies)
[-] Grayox@lemmy.ml 10 points 4 weeks ago

Apples, razor blades, carmel

[-] Eiri@lemmy.world 10 points 4 weeks ago

Screws, hammer, sledgehammer

[-] zigmus64@lemmy.world 8 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago)

Gatorade

Pregnancy tests

Plan B

[-] Pacattack57@lemmy.world 23 points 4 weeks ago

Even worse:

Gatorade

Pregnancy test

Wire coat hangers

load more comments
view more: next ›
this post was submitted on 12 Aug 2024
980 points (98.2% liked)

Greentext

3941 readers
1378 users here now

This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

founded 11 months ago
MODERATORS