this post was submitted on 12 Feb 2025
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[–] TropicalDingdong@lemmy.world 72 points 2 months ago (4 children)

STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING RIGHT NOW LEMMY!!

WE CAN BUY THE ABOVE PRICELESS GEM IN THE NEXT 3 HOURS IF WE CAN CROWD SOURCE 3k!!

https://www.govdeals.com/asset/20561/20379

[–] wyrmroot@programming.dev 17 points 2 months ago

Converted to electric? This thing is incredible.

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 9 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I'm nowhere close to Virginia

[–] TropicalDingdong@lemmy.world 9 points 2 months ago (2 children)
[–] rbn@sopuli.xyz 10 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I think you're confusing virginia with virgin. Lemmy is for the latter.

[–] three@lemm.ee 10 points 2 months ago (1 children)
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[–] TexasDrunk@lemmy.world 8 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Dammit, I saw this too late. I have 4k that I had earmarked for another motorcycle that I totally would have spent on this instead. I've got a buddy up in NC I've been meaning to visit and we could totally have road tripped to pick that bad boy up.

I would have sold my car to ride around in that.

[–] TropicalDingdong@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago

Bruh I almost splurged because I have a leaf whose body is tired. I'd swap the motor and battery and ride this whip daily.

[–] Okokimup@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I'm in Virginia. Don't have $3k or any clue what I would do with that.

[–] TropicalDingdong@lemmy.world 8 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Well I've got 40 bucks.

Can we get 99 others with 40 bucks?

[–] Drusas@fedia.io 4 points 2 months ago

I have 40 bucks.

Edit: Someone bought it a few hours ago. I hope it was one of you.

[–] BartyDeCanter 54 points 2 months ago (2 children)
[–] picnicolas@slrpnk.net 20 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] dual_sport_dork@lemmy.world 54 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I sure am. (Also, that is a fuckton of fake Swiss Army Knives. I kind of approve, especially including the loose busted off scale on the platter, there.)

Story time. In fact, I have told this story before. It's got two acts.

Act 1: Our local farmer's market/flea market had a stall that sold, among other sundry low grade imported Chinese crap, a wide variety of low grade Chinese knives. I bought a few from them over the years for the sheer novelty value -- you know how it is -- but one day I noticed their stall was completely barren of knives. I asked the owner what was up.

He told me he (or rather, his son) got busted via some kind of sting operation by the local cops selling a knife to a minor, so they'd been banned from selling knives and weapons altogether. What was he to do, he told me, with all of the crap he had left over he couldn't sell.

"I'll give you a hundred bucks for it," I said. And I did.

I wound up with a Samsonite suitcase half filled with bargain basement knives. It took me years to get rid of them via giving them all away, and then breaking the rest. Me and my friends would go camping with bandoliers of 20 identical knives each. We'd use cheap folders for throwing knives, baton firewood with fake Swiss Armies, and lashed brass-and-plastic bejeweled Arabian daggers to the ends of sticks to use as fishing spears. The whole lot. It was a riot.


Act 2: At that time I was working in IT at this engineering firm. This is relevant because one day we had a prolonged power outage, and I can tell you there's very little in this world that's as useless as a bunch of engineers who can't use their computers. While we were waiting around in the semi-darkness waiting for the lights to come back on, I was hanging out in our accountant's office chatting (because we got along, and also not least of which because her office had a big window in it whereas my IT dungeon had none), and idly flipping my balisong/butterfly knife around. As you do.

Well, as I do, anyway. It's not like I'm not a known quantity in that regard. Both here and there.

Some background on this, we had a new accountant in training who nobody liked because she was a little proto-Karen and also not very competent at anything. We suspect her CV was rather embellished. Even the boss didn't like her and he was the one who made the decision to hire her in the first place. She came in to ask our head accountant some question or other, damned if I was paying attention to what it was, and left. No incident, didn't speak to me, didn't even look at me.

Well, here comes the next day and I get a calling on the carpet from the boss because this nutty woman complained that I was "brandishing a knife in a threatening manner and she felt unsafe," or some shit.

I told my boss two things in no uncertain terms, the first of which was I was standing behind our head accountant's desk while this chick came no nearer than the doorframe, so I'm like 20 feet away with a significant quantity of office furniture between us. And more to the point, we're all adults here. All you gotta do is say, "Hey. Why don't you put that fuckin' blade away, man?" No problem. But she didn't say anything about it to me.

Nothing really came of this and she got fired a couple of weeks later for gross incompetence and, I suspect, getting on the boss' nerves.


The punch line: This announcement came at our weekly meeting where every single individual in our little office was crammed in the conference room. "Awesome," says I, "To celebrate I have some party favors for everyone."

Among my suitcase of shitty knives I had a ridiculous bevy of crappy balisongs, which I'd dutifully sorted out and completely filled an empty box from an Allen Bradley contactor assembly with them. I must have had fifty of the damn things. I plonked it on the conference room table and told everyone in the company to take one. Hell, our outgoing employee can have two, for good luck.

Now we had a level playing field -- everyone has a butterfly knife. (Glassdoor did not exist at the time, and in retrospect it's probably a good thing that it didn't.)

Anyway, I can now tell you there are in fact two contenders for the most useless thing in the world. The second one is a building full of engineers, all armed with balisong knives, none of whom really know how to use them.

[–] Flocklesscrow@lemm.ee 15 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Now this is how you anecdote.

Excellent story

[–] SpikesOtherDog@ani.social 4 points 2 months ago

Bookmarked for future lore drops.

[–] ColeSloth@discuss.tchncs.de 4 points 2 months ago

Looks like they pick out the knives that are good, and you just get shitty ones in bulk.

[–] credo@lemmy.world 50 points 2 months ago (2 children)

This looks like what’s left after the TSA agents took their pick.

[–] AnotherMadHatter@lemmy.world 30 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Close. The good ones are separated and usually sold in smaller lots by manufacturer, and go for a lot more (as you would expect) than these.

Here is a 25lb lot of Swiss Army Knives that is at $900 with 3 hours to go.

https://www.govdeals.com/asset/38413/8445

If they are really valuable and think they will get more than $100 or so, they sell them individually.

[–] EvacuateSoul@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago

Checked at the right time for an update

[–] Pilferjinx@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago

Fucking repacks never have anything good

[–] bleistift2@sopuli.xyz 24 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Soo… what’s a party favor?

[–] officermike@lemmy.world 40 points 2 months ago (2 children)

A party favor is a trinket or toy given out as a freebie to party attendees.

[–] Fuck_u_spez_@sh.itjust.works 15 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] AtariDump@lemmy.world 7 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] Fuck_u_spez_@sh.itjust.works 3 points 2 months ago

Fuck that guy. Not literally, though.

[–] steeznson@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago (3 children)

We call those "party bags" in the UK and they are exclusive to children's parties

[–] Glitterbomb@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago

Sounds like you go to boring parties. Party favors can also mean free drugs at some parties

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[–] miss_demeanour@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 points 2 months ago (1 children)
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[–] glimse@lemmy.world 22 points 2 months ago (2 children)

I'm guessing there's some groomsmen who didn't get their gifts

[–] ThePantser@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago

I thought more like theme parks shouldn't be selling keepsake knives with names on them, and people shouldn't be putting them in their carry-on.

[–] ryedaft@sh.itjust.works 4 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Nathan, Evan, Rob, Ian, Johnny. So... Destination wedding or one of the parents did the engraving and didn't want to check them in case the airline lost their luggage?

[–] glimse@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago

Could be a bachelor party, too

[–] Pieisawesome@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 2 months ago

Nah, those are mass produced. I’ve seen them in touristy shops

[–] Drusas@fedia.io 20 points 2 months ago

I once got a free pocket knife courtesy of the TSA because my dad visited me without emptying his duffel bag and he found a pocket knife in it when he was here. I suggested he not return with it.

[–] onyxjet@lemmy.world 11 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Gotta love how most of them are the generic wood-metal gift shop knives.

[–] Pyr_Pressure@lemmy.ca 4 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Sell them back to the gift shops for $5 a piece

[–] onyxjet@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago

Those things cost like fifteen bucks in your average gift shop. The math isn't right here.

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 11 points 2 months ago

I've bought Victorinox knives in 50 lots off eBay TSA auctions. Cleaned them up and gave them out as Christmas presents.

[–] Darkassassin07@lemmy.ca 7 points 2 months ago (5 children)

Why do so many people carry shitty swiss army knife knockoffs...

[–] Zorsith@lemmy.blahaj.zone 16 points 2 months ago

Because they're disposable and cheap, in case they get confiscated for any reason

[–] Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works 7 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Because 99 times out of a hundred you use them to cut through some sort of adhesive packing which gums it up or you are using it for something another tool would be better at but this is what you got and you are doing things to it that would be terrible to do to a high quality knife but you don't care because it's a $30 rip off knife. Also you are always prepared for leaving in your backpack accidentally and having the mother fucking TSA dump out your bottle of kumboucha and steal your fucking knife. I'm all for high quality knives, but for multitasking utility gimmick like this, I'd go cheap every time.

[–] someguy3@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

I don't know the brands shown, but it doesn't need to be Swiss army brand to be good.

[–] SpruceBringsteen@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago

Those silver ones with the rubber nubs are given out like candy by people on sales calls and the like.

They're not bulky and people won't look at you like you jumped out of West Side Story when you open a plastic package or box with one.

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[–] dance_ninja@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago

So that's what happened to my Leatherman Squirt...

[–] MeatPilot@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (3 children)
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[–] gladflag@lemmy.ml 6 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Me: Is it weird if I take a long time to decide what one? *takes plate to deliberate*

[–] markstos@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago

I had a friend who was an old country doctor who lost his everyday-carry tracheotomy knife that way.

[–] TrickDacy@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago

Somebody got cut that night

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