Slop.

Look at this man, he's the apex of masculinity. He hates women and refuses to drink from straws because they constantly remind him of dick-sucking, he would never do that. He’s just always thinking about it whenever he sees anything remotely phallic. Straws are for women, because only women suck dick. Not him. He doesn’t. He won’t. He doesn’t even want to. Please, dicks, leave him alone.

I wonder what his "manly" stance on spoons, knives, and forks is.

Man who has never wiped or cleaned his ass. Ever.

is this a blowjob thing or a doesn't wash his ass thing?

sucking is for women, ok. i will never eat a noodle

Then why did you all have a years long temper tantrum about trying to do the absolute bare minimum to reduce single use plastics and ban plastic straws.

I remember the time I was minding my own business, drinking a big cold glass of somethingorother, and the straw, I shit you not, turned right into a dick. It was big and meaty and I thought to myself "well, I have to turn in my truck nuts, now."

Oh my God he doesn't want to drink from a straw because that is for women! He is so sexy and masculine!

• What most people are definitely thinking when learning this

He should shave his eyelashes while he's at it.

why are you using a straw? To avoid messing your lipstick?

Hell yeah brother. Elephants are so phallic that I had to stop going to the zoo. I told the zookeeper to cover the trunks up so I don't have to look at them and they said "no". Woke will never win as long as alpha males stand up.

i lap my fluids from a shallow dish, like a beast man

this frail old man trying to put on this macho too alpha for straws act is beyond pathetic. meanwhile this dude spends 80% of his time making wackos on reddit think the government is gonna declassify UFOs any day now

I suspect that this man has contempt for the "women in his house"

i know plastic straws are bad but i love a straw at a restaurant especially if it's greasy finger food, I don't wanna grease up my glass, yo

Dudes rock

Read this in Hulk Hogan's voice.

How tf are these dipshits in power and I’m begging any corpo to pay attention to my resume and hire me? How tf do these mfs survive the extremely high standards it takes to even flip burgers?

Better question: how do they even go outside without hiding in their basements? These are grown ass men who probably still believe in cooties.

Jail this man for unamerican activities

I put my nostril directly against the mirror and inhale like a man no straws for me

Remember, bröther, you say the hard things -- the gööd things. Most folk haven't got the stomach for it.

Lemme know when we get the "scoop" that he's out in public drinking his whiskey with a straw.

Straight is the only sexuality you have to perform and maintain. Even given that they're joking around, and they're all giggling throughout the clips, it's so annoying to me. "Oh look at me I cried! Now I want to suck penis!" Like they don't spend hundreds of hours and millions of dollars on enforcing gender compliance. Like you need a more rigorous and principled approach to the LGBT than "okay, sounds good."

It's because Ted Cruz, when told that "Mr. Whoever says men shouldn't have male best friends" says "Mr. Whoever could use a friend."

beaten with hammers until attitude changes

Dude's so afraid of the social prison he's built as a way to show everyone else he isn't thinking about dicks every time he puts something in his mouth...the lady doth protest too much.

you got soft lips, brother

straws sucked at random