this post was submitted on 02 Dec 2025
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Slop.

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For posting all the anonymous reactionary bullshit that you can't post anywhere else.

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[–] Johnny_Arson@hexbear.net 40 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

Jesus will come back as a velociraptor.

They misinterpreted Rapture. It's actually raptor and he'll be a sick ass dinosaur.

Our true lord and savirawr

[–] 9to5@hexbear.net 33 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Wow I remember Raptor Jesus memes like it was yesterday

[–] Johnny_Arson@hexbear.net 6 points 3 months ago

A more innocent time, to be sure.

[–] Dort_Owl@hexbear.net 34 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Bro there is so much porn on the internet, computers definitely aren't virgins.

[–] 10TH_OF_SEPTEMBER_CALL@hexbear.net 19 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I shove my pp into its usb hole everyday

[–] GeckoChamber@hexbear.net 31 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Personally I think Jesus will be a cool ass monster truck, nobody has fucked most of those either

[–] Kefla@hexbear.net 23 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I was fucking a lot of them but I'll stop if it means a higher chance of monster truck jesus

[–] FranklyIGiveADarn@lemmy.ml 20 points 3 months ago

How will we get a second cumming if you stop?

[–] 10TH_OF_SEPTEMBER_CALL@hexbear.net 27 points 3 months ago

A computer scientist :3

[–] PolandIsAStateOfMind@lemmygrad.ml 26 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

"What's more virgin than a computer?"

By the Holy Omnissiah, this heretek should shut up.

[–] unaware@hexbear.net 25 points 3 months ago

what about mommy GLaDOS

[–] Le_Wokisme@hexbear.net 24 points 3 months ago (2 children)

i guess he's never heard of teledildonics

[–] optissima@lemmy.ml 16 points 3 months ago

I hear that's a rapidly growing field

[–] Umechan@hexbear.net 20 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

Ports and cables are classified as male or female, so your slutty whore of a computer has been getting pounded each and every time you attach or remove a USB device. She's no virgin.

[–] NuraShiny@hexbear.net 17 points 3 months ago

I seriously would like a word filter for this site where I can add Joe Rogan's name and it stops showing me content with this brain-free cretin in it.

[–] Weedian@hexbear.net 17 points 3 months ago

hes so fried

[–] queermunist@lemmy.ml 17 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

I've been hyping for the tradcaths to make a new AI pope, but clearly I wasn't dreaming big enough.

[–] deforestgump@hexbear.net 16 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Have you seen depictions of Jesus? No way that fool was a virgin.

[–] ElChapoDeChapo@hexbear.net 26 points 3 months ago

Jesus was the OG volcel

[–] ShareThatBread@hexbear.net 15 points 3 months ago

A: a computer toucher.

[–] lurker_supreme@hexbear.net 13 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

I like to imagine my Jesus in a tuxedo tshirt. It's classy and casual at the same time. He also sings lead in a Lynyrd Skynyrd cover band with angels

[–] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 13 points 3 months ago

Is he wearing a Betty and Barney Hill shirt? Fucking hate that alien disclosure is wrapped up with these chuds.

[–] ShinkanTrain@lemmy.ml 10 points 3 months ago

Collection basket comes along and you impress all the cybernuns by getting a couple of RAM DIMMS out of your wallet

[–] mendiCAN@hexbear.net 7 points 3 months ago

thats one hell of a sentence. just look at it! the longer you do the less sense it makes

[–] aanes_appreciator@hexbear.net 6 points 3 months ago

Surely elon musk would teach him a thing or two about how a computer can lose it's virginity