this post was submitted on 23 Jun 2026
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[–] EmilieEasie@fedinsfw.app 15 points 5 hours ago* (last edited 3 hours ago) (3 children)

It's really hard for me to wrap my head around why it's so easy for certain extremely online guys to hate women so much and so easily.

I encounter a little bit less of it on the fediverse but it's not immune either. Yesterday on lemmy someone posted something making fun of women who get plastic surgery, and pointing out that they were being kinda misogynist* got a lot of replies about how men are the real oppressed class and you can never make jokes about women and other incel bullshit. No where is immune.

[–] ILikeBoobies@lemmy.ca 7 points 3 hours ago (1 children)

Don't get discouraged, engagement is the only weapon.

[–] EmilieEasie@fedinsfw.app 5 points 3 hours ago

Thanks, that's a good reminder <3

[–] sloppy_diffuser@sh.itjust.works 8 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

Supply and demand in dating social spaces, virtual or in person.

In person non-dating social interactions have been steadily declining.

When all the red pill shit first started coming out it was ironically more about self-improvement followed by pick up artist tacticts once you got your shit together.

Still misogynistic at the time and it just continues to get worse. Rather than put in the work to improve themselves, they'd rather go all handmaid's tale.

[–] EmilieEasie@fedinsfw.app 4 points 3 hours ago (1 children)

Yeah, that's a thing I still struggle with! Understanding how not being able to date turns them into misogynists. I guess it's entitlement, but I can't really relate to that in this case, so it's hard to understand.

[–] pivot_root@lemmy.world 3 points 2 hours ago* (last edited 2 hours ago) (1 children)

It stems from a victim mentality, envy, and ego.

When they're chronically online and immersed in social media and entertainment media, they're surrounded by portrayals of happy couples, love, and romance. Eventually, it skews their perception into thinking that they're the only ones who are missing out. They start to feel like life is unfair to them, with love and sex being out of their reach.

That grows into envy and hatred towards men who have experienced it, and especially those who have above-average success with their romantic lives. They compare themselves to those men, convincing themselves that the reason other people are more successful is because of superficial traits like conventional attractiveness or money.

While all that happens, they refuse to consider that their lack of success could be due to their own behaviors or negative attitudes. It's always something else that is stopping them from experiencing love; their ego is protecting themselves from hurt, avoiding the necessary but painful introspection that would snap them out of it.

It culminates in the belief that both women and other men are the reason for their nonexistent love life. They become openly mysognistic, but they also think poorly about attractive men—they just don't show it outside of incel communities because they're afraid to get their ass beat.

And all of that was before this red pill shit. The red pill movement exacerbated it by catching them at various stages throughout their incelification process, affirming their beliefs, and then hooking them in further so shitbags like Andrew Tate can profit off of them.

[–] EmilieEasie@fedinsfw.app 2 points 2 hours ago

I wonder if part of the issue is that we raise kids with a lot of platitudes like "don't rush it, you'll find someone" when the truth is not everyone does find someone and you're not promised a life partner

[–] villasv@lemmy.ca 8 points 4 hours ago* (last edited 4 hours ago) (2 children)

when you're accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression

The gateway to hate is contempt, and the gateway to contempt is grievance, and grievance comes from externalizing blame for things not going the way you want and not having the character to deal with that properly.

[–] pivot_root@lemmy.world 5 points 2 hours ago

The gateway to hate is contempt, and the gateway to contempt is grievance, and grievance comes from externalizing blame for things not going the way you want and not having the character to deal with that properly.

Very well said.

The incel mentality is, at its core, a victim mentality.

[–] EmilieEasie@fedinsfw.app 3 points 3 hours ago

I like that explanation a lot, thank you.

[–] marcela@lemmy.blahaj.zone 16 points 6 hours ago (2 children)

Suggesting Jordan Peterson as someone who "earnestly tried to respond to the question".

[–] karlhungus@lemmy.ca 3 points 1 hour ago

Highly don't recommend peterson, that grifter is one whole sack of shit.

[–] GrackleBirb@lemmy.ca 5 points 6 hours ago* (last edited 6 hours ago) (1 children)

Jordan "Benzobus" Peterson who undermined mental healthcare (even as a formerly licensed professional!) to tell young disaffected alienated men to "clean their rooms" and then who went on to espouse hack carnivore eating habits and then require benzodiazepine detox (we don't shame people for that but we do shame them for...) going to Russia to receive it (because naturally no one in Canada ever has been treated for this in the entire history of Canadian medicine) and then fleeing to the US because Canada is "too woke" - yeah fuck that asshole and stay in Arizona.

A lot of incel culture stems from online influence, feelings of alienation, and resentment towards women since many of them have learned about sexuality through pornography and expect that women in real life will acquiesce to that - this exposure coupled with manosphere "influencers" telling them that they need to "take back control over women" means many of them not only harbour hatred towards women for perceived or real previous rejection but now think "give me the p now bish I'm a man" is somehow even vaguely normal. They have built communities online around this and here we are.

I won't even touch the layer of low self-esteem theatre that is the "chad" vs "soy boy" nonsense and mewing, chin and face architecture, and other manifestations of body dysmorphia that they blame for their lack of connection to women - funny that they never consider their personality or views on equality but hey - I hope the Therapy Fairy visits all of them and brings a psych to give them the good drugs to move past this nonsense.

[–] AdolfSchmitler@lemmy.world -2 points 3 hours ago (1 children)

Peterson got hooked on benzos cuz his wife was dying and he couldn't cope. I don't hold that against him. And it is ironic that Peterson himself fell down the alt-right pipeline after claiming to be so well versed in studying authoritarian regimes.

For a loneliness epidemic that stems partly from "feelings of alienation" I'm sure calling them names and belittling them won't drive them further down that road.

[–] GrackleBirb@lemmy.ca 4 points 3 hours ago* (last edited 2 hours ago)

I also included a disclaimer around the addiction piece but no, sorry - otherwise he and his ideologies can go get fucked. I play a small violin for someone who thinks their chin is a factor in their ability to attract a mate. Also w.r.t Peterson he has abandoned Canada and decided we don't even have the skills necessary to detox him from his addiction (regardless of its provenance) much less is Canada so disastrous that Arizona is a good place to decamp.

The manosphere is toxic garbage and the first step to treatment is stepping away from the likes of Rogan, Peterson, and the even more insane people who feed off of them. Learn to love and respect women - learn to love and respect yourself. More importantly he speaks of the evils of Marxism and such but then openly embraces grift-based Christianity and the likes of right-wing American politicians.

Seriously? No. Bye Felicia as we say in academic erudite circles when confronted with such nonsense.

[–] Warl0k3@lemmy.world 15 points 7 hours ago* (last edited 7 hours ago) (5 children)

Shortly before he launched his terror attack, the killer disseminated a manifesto to media. The essay is borderline unreadable: A hodgepodge of discordant economic and social politics, strung together by an intense hatred of women.

Sigh. Sounds like a worrying number of lemmy users.

The solution to this loneliness epidemic and all the downstream dangers that flow from it, is painfully simple: We need to break this internet addiction and get disaffected young men into physical, shared spaces again. The difficult part, the thing we haven’t yet figured out, is how we do that.

Unfortunately third spaces do not coexist well with any modern society, especially capitalism, and are quick becoming extinct. Especially post covid, making friends for anyone is extremely difficult - In a point against the incel philosophy, I'm a cute goth girl with big tits and I struggle to meet any new friends. It's just shockingly isolating to participate in society these days.

[–] DagwoodIII@piefed.social 11 points 6 hours ago

Civilian Conservation Corps. FDR era plan to hire young men and build infrastructure.

Invest money in rebuilding powerlines, roads, and bridges. Give people well paying blue collar jobs. Teach teamwork and mutual responsibility

[–] shittydwarf@piefed.ca 6 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

The point about third spaces feels very apt. The absence of these in the modern world has to be connected to this social isolation epidemic we all seem to be experiencing. They are the exact opposite of social media, imagine if we redirected our resources?

[–] Warl0k3@lemmy.world 6 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

God, I wish. At this point I'd settle for them not killing off libraries, but...

[–] shittydwarf@piefed.ca 5 points 4 hours ago

This timeline: best we can do it convert libraries and parks into data centers :'(

[–] ArmchairAce1944@lemmy.ca 5 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

Its really tough if you're an attractive girl and can't get any friends. I am a guy but I haven't dated in more than a decade. Also I am a huge voluntary loner. Not an incel or a freak, but it would still feel strange for me if and when I go out on a date, and while I am not a virgin (far from it) if I get it on with another girl after all this time I might as well be.

[–] Warl0k3@lemmy.world 1 points 1 hour ago* (last edited 1 hour ago)

I'll admit it's not hard for me to get a date since, well, I'm the product dating apps are selling. But it's genuinely hard to meet like... friend friends. Lots of guys who wanna bang and thats fine, but none that I'd wanna play D&D or HD2 with. And no women, even on the "meet platonic friends" apps they just serve men. Honestly, its getting pretty disgusting how they commodify their userbase in a way that reinforces the exact kind of social isolation that fuels the problems with society that spawns incel culture, all to extract "premium memberships" with the promise of oneday going on dates with women who are never even given an opportunity to know they exist.

... I'm ranting but I genuinely just hate this shit.

[–] SatansMaggotyCumFart@piefed.world 3 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

I'm a hermit who lives in an off grid rural property behind a couple locked gates but I still manage to meet a half dozen new people every week.

[–] Warl0k3@lemmy.world 7 points 6 hours ago* (last edited 6 hours ago) (1 children)

Yeah, you know, that actually tracks...

[–] SatansMaggotyCumFart@piefed.world 2 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

I've never actually tracked a new person I've met but that might be fun now that you mention it.

[–] Warl0k3@lemmy.world 3 points 4 hours ago

Sharks don't seem to mind the radio tags, and they're way more ill-tempered than a UPS guy. I'm sure it'll be fine.

[–] Damage@feddit.it -1 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

This is brilliant bait, love it

[–] Warl0k3@lemmy.world 3 points 5 hours ago

... What about it is bait?

[–] ArmchairAce1944@lemmy.ca 8 points 6 hours ago (2 children)

We still need to find fucking something. I hear tons of calls for gun control but no matter how many rammings or shootings or stabbings or other acts of violence do I hear an attempt at drawing young men (and men in general) away from this shit.

[–] Natanael@slrpnk.net 6 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

It needs a cultural fix. Better role models, better life choices, and ending glorification of this shit.

[–] ArmchairAce1944@lemmy.ca -1 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

But you would be amazed at how many support only gun laws in response and nothing else. Expensive and ineffective AND pulling resources out of other police duties and social services. This is a massive pet peeve of mine.

[–] BonkTheAnnoyed@piefed.blahaj.zone 6 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

it's pretty clear from the data that laws restricting firearm access reduce gun violence.

[–] ArmchairAce1944@lemmy.ca -4 points 5 hours ago* (last edited 5 hours ago) (1 children)

No. We had this debate before. Look up my comment history. I won't write again.

hah, thanks for the invite to study your works, but yeah, nah

[–] SleeplessCityLights@programming.dev 2 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

He was using an SKS with stripper clips and no magazine. It has a wooden stock and was probably manufactured in the 70s. They were used in Korea and Vietnam. Patrol cops don't have armor that stops 7.62 either. Gun control was not going to stop this one.

[–] ArmchairAce1944@lemmy.ca 2 points 3 hours ago

No light vest can stop ANY centerfire round. The 7.62x39mm is an intermediate round. If you got a Mauser 98 from WW1 and fired 1930s civilian 7.92x57mm (the German Mauser round) it would zip through both sides of the vest and kill anyone behind the cop, too

[–] tezoatlipoca@mas.to 11 points 7 hours ago* (last edited 6 hours ago) (1 children)

@grte

Gift link.. because: https://www.thestar.com/gift-redeem?t=63cb88b8-903a-45eb-a9cc-bfd70310f87b

(I pay to support the last Canadian-owned major media concern, Torstar)

I find it interesting that in response to a murder spree here we're already looking at how the system failed. In the US they'd be looking for who to pin the blame on. And thoughts and prayers.

[–] Cardinalis@sh.itjust.works 6 points 6 hours ago
[–] sbv@sh.itjust.works 3 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

But the incels are the most intense manifestation of a societywide problem: How do we get lonely young men to log off and rejoin society? How do we convince these men that they are not, as the killer believed, “barred from actualizing your potential?” 

...

The solution to this loneliness epidemic and all the downstream dangers that flow from it, is painfully simple: We need to break this internet addiction and get disaffected young men into physical, shared spaces again. The difficult part, the thing we haven’t yet figured out, is how we do that.

[–] rmrf@lemmy.ml 2 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

No one wants to gamble on a $17 (not including tax or tip) cocktail that a girl might want to talk

I would gamble on a $3, hell even a $5 cocktail if everything else was so relatively affordable. The problem is even fast food corps are speculative RE investors now, and they need you to pay $7 for a shitty combo deal to finance their gambling habits.

I think the root of it is really: existing outside of home is just too expensive.

[–] BlameThePeacock@lemmy.ca 2 points 3 hours ago

Home also too expensive...

[–] RumorsOfLove@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 6 hours ago (2 children)

Easy. Just revamp society to provide freedom to all. Then these guys can buy poontang instead of guns.

[–] sloppy_diffuser@sh.itjust.works 1 points 4 hours ago

Never going to happen for the majority. Need them to buy tokens for their AI girlfriend to funnel more money to the ultra wealthy.

[–] Warl0k3@lemmy.world 1 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

I doubt it. Incels aren't rolling in dough, they have to save up for their sprees. And then, the choice is whether your $1000 will buy you one pretty good evening with a pretty good girl or a cheapo hipoint rifle, which will last the rest of your life...

[–] RumorsOfLove@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 6 hours ago

Yeah but the 'market' is fucked up with prices like that right now. It doesnt always have to be.

[–] HexesofVexes@lemmy.world 3 points 6 hours ago

Firstly, the star and mirror are both crap papers.

The path to solving the incel issue lies in understanding it arose as a counter-culture.