Ask Lemmy

Client feedback.

I could bore him to death with Teams meetings.

I work at a tool store and often fantasize about a zombie apocalypse or something starting while I'm at work. Should fit this situation, so let's go! If it happens in... Aisle 1: dual wielding a drill and heatgun Aisle 2: dual wielding circular saw and angle grinder Aisle 3: put on safety goggles, strangle them with AirTool hoses Aisle 4: dual wielding air nailers! Aisle 5: giant wrench Aisle 6: screwdriver to the face Aisle 7: steel automotive jack handles Aisle 8: wench snare traps everywhere Aisle 9: pickaxe Aisle 10: generator fumes Aisle 11: tumbling tower of tires Back wall: hammers!

If there's one thing I've learned from horror movies it's that unless you have some weird satanic ritual, nothing can stop the bad guy.

But also, I'm a janitor at McDonald's; I could probably slow them down with soapy water or even just leaving the floor oily. I doubt they wear non-slip shoes. Pull some Scooby Doo shit, slick up the floor, Jason comes after me and slides into the freezer, which I then lock.

The autopsy saw. It's a gleaming monstrosity of stainless steel designed to part human flesh like Moses parted the red sea. You can stack zombies as deep as you want, the saw won't even slow down. The only thing that will stop it is the length of the mechanical arm it hangs from, because it's unfortunately too heavy for most people to lift.

Marketing strategy powerpoints

Recently retired from a place that makes rocket engines, and there's just so much. Start with a rocket engine itself - the combustion gasses are like 3300 C (6000 F) with more than 400,000 lb of thrust. But there's a lot associated. We dealt with lots of liquid oxygen and liquid hydrogen. We have a giant braze oven that we can put a whole rocket nozzle into. It's quite an arsenal.

Carpal tunnel slasher can't hold a knife

I'm an auto mechanic, honestly like 80% of the things I touch every day could kill most things if applied properly.

Thinking about reach and convenience from my toolbox, I'm thinking the 5' steel prybar (effectively a 10 lb baseball bat with a sharp tip) or the cv axle I took out earlier. Honorable mention to one of a variety of possible chemical attacks or just straight up dropping a car on it.

Most of my tools could - just a matter of how many swings it would take. Running them over with my work truck would probably be the quickest and chainsaw the messiest.

You could definitely kill a villain with my laptop, if you fired it with sufficient force from a cannon.

The cardboard crusher probably, just have to tip them over the edge. Puts them nicely in 1.5x1.5x1m cubes

I work at a bowling alley with a bar, so there’s quite a few ways.

• Hit them with a bowling ball.
• Beat them with a bumper stick.
• Make a Molotov cocktail.
• Use the knives in the kitchen to stab them.

I commute, so train?

I work in a restaurant, so... garlic?

A server rack full of servers, dropped on the monster like a cartoon piano.

I work with IT but in a meat processing plant, the giant saw that cuts pigs in half would certainly do it. Even though all of the slaughtering and butchering have been dismantled many years ago due to cutbacks, it would be a very good location for a horror movie or an augmented reality experience or something like that, it's almost like everyone just up and left.

TPS report cover sheet.

Graphic Designer so maybe if it was a lawnmower man situation

Crushing depression.

Although that’s not really for my job since I don’t have one.

Suffering through eight straight hours of „business alignment workshops“.

Well, I work with IT, Ships, and industrial robotics, so I'm thinking that the villain gets maimed by a robot controlled by a perl script to the point where he is unable to prevent his ship from sinking.

EDIT: Oh, and don't gets me started on the seismic source: 4000 cubic inches of compressed air at 2000psi. Seismic sources are scary. In water ut will turn anyone in yhe water into jell-o. I've coordinated these with simultaneous diving ops, and the divers usually call us to stop if they're within 3-4 kilometers.

I have several 300 gallon mixers at work, and a QA lab. If the mixer won't do the job, I'll just pour acids in until it is reduced to soup.

Then I'm fleeing the country because maintenance will make the eldrich horror look like the easy choice.

I'm unemployed rn so uh, some dab wax?

There is usually an alligator or two (or three, or..) in the pond by my work. They definitely get big enough to kill a villain before anyone bothers calling to have them relocated.

There’s a kid I work with that is going to end up stabbing me with a pencil. He’s gotten pretty close a few times.

The lab closet when I was teaching science might have worked. The stuff you let kids work with is as close to water as you can make it, but the stuff for demos could easily take out a Jason or a Freddy.

I could mistranslate an MRI manual and they could fry themselves to death?

I would print out the code and Rube Goldbergian series of database triggers that run some of our internal apps; to the untrained mind, it would probably have an effect similar to looking into Medusa's eyes.

From what I've seen, airplane crashes can be pretty fatal!

Lock that fucker in the burnout oven and see how long they exist at 800°F (~426°C)

The printing press. The monster's blood would be spread out over 70000 newspapers.

The elevators that always breakdown. They were doing a repair today and knocked out power to the whole building.

I work from home...

Best I got is an old fashioned paper cutter that looked way too heavy duty.

Cue the scene from The Faculty where the bad boy twists off the blade of that thing.