askchapo

Taken (2009)

Horrendous post-9/11 xenophobia and torture porn

Battlefield Earth is bad beyond belief. It's my favorite bad movie. There isn't even a close second including shitty b-movies. It's in a class by itself.

Battlefield Earth is a 2000 American science fiction film based on the 1982 novel by Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard. It's set in the year 3000 and follows a human rebellion against the "Psychlos", a tyrannical alien species that has ruled Earth for a thousand years. John Travolta, who produced the film, stars as main antagonist Terl alongside Barry Pepper and Forest Whitaker.

Budget: $44 million

Battlefield Earth is like taking a bus trip with someone who has needed a bath for a long time. It's not merely bad; it's unpleasant in a hostile way ... I watched it in mounting gloom, realizing I was witnessing something historic, a film that for decades to come will be the punch line of jokes about bad movies.

- Roger Ebert

Pearl Harbor by Michael Bay. It's embarrassing to watch. And it predates 9/11 and the war on terror making the jingoism stand out even more.

Eragon. It was absolute dogshit. I saw it when it came out because my friends and I liked the books (we were young, don't judge), and while we were expecting trash, it was even worse. Nothing about that movie was good. Total drivel.

Alex Garland's Civil War

2 hours of nothing but empty air and gibberish

Only good part was Jesse Plemons as the racist militiaman, but that ends pretty quick and then it's back to "Woah, wouldn't this be kind of crazy? Journalism is important"

Norbit, I saw that shit in theatres lmao.

American Sniper, NO CLUE why I watched it but I did (half drunk). Shoot & Cry cinema at it's peak along with a fake baby, bravo Mr. Eastwood.

Only movie I ever left angry was The Hobbit. Never saw the other two.

Most slop I'm fine with. I watched all of the Starship Troopers direct to dvd sequels, even the "one level above Reboot" animated ones. I've seen all of M Night Shyamalan's films. But The Hobbit got me right in the amygdala in a bad way.

edit: Oh I thought of another one: Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Plantasm. The first Aqua Teen movie is a stoner comedy classic along with most of ATHF's first run, but this film and the tv revival that followed it are dogshit.

Man of Steel and Star Trek: Into Darkness were deeply unpleasant to watch in theaters.

Oh, The Matrix Resurrections. I'm convinced it was deliberately engineered to try and destroy interest in continuing the franchise for as long as possible.

Battlefield Earth legit fuckin sucks

Dog (2022)

If you want to see an ex soldier mistreating a dog played as a wholesome feel good story, it's your movie! There is a scene where this guy leaves his dog in the car to go drinking in a bar in Portland. Some people in the bar call him out for it and the movie treats it like they're loony liberals and you're supposed to feel sorry for him for getting called out? Weird.

Not Without Hope (2025)

Movie about a bunch of unlikeable footballers stuck in the ocean because of their own lack of safety consciousness. Movie becomes a weird christian thing.

Wonder woman 1984 really is as bad as everyone says. It isnt even funny bad

I'd go with Independence Day: Resurgence.

The trailer looked incredibly cool with the alternate present set-up, and I thought it would be fun in a dumb, clumsy way like the original. But instead I felt like I was being actively insulted for the entire run time.

i'm completely forgetting the name, but there's some animated film with like charlie sheen and hillary duff where the production completely collapsed but cuts of it still got released with the worst 3d animation i've ever seen. was it foodfight? or something food related?

Playing with the concept of bad "actual movies" Woody Allen's stuff does not age well at all. I remember people used to speak highly of artistry but the films are suffused with a deep misogyny that convince me that he is guilty of the things he is obviously guilty of.

I think if his halo hadn't fallen off people would still be talking up his movies and I can't really see why.

Most recently this piece of shit. I tried. I really really tried. It's so fucking bad.

edit: lol

Zookeeper 2011. If you are religious, this movie will make you lose all faith and realize that there is nothing after death. Just darkness

I will never give up my grudge towards Passengers and for baiting me with a great premise and then spending like 2 hours shitting on that premise and turning it into a dumbass happily ever after story that didn't have the balls to follow through on said premise and take it to its natural conclusion. Eat my ass space buttheads.

Avatar: The Last Airbender was rough...

But the one I fell asleep watching in the theatre was the new Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy

I got a bunch of free DVDs and among them was Van Hellsing (2004)

I didn't remember anything about it other than the scene where the horse carriage goes over a cliff and then explodes so I thought it'd be funny to watch it with my partner.

Man, this wasn't even a "so bad it's good" kinda film, it was genuinely fucking awful. I could've forgiven a lot of it but it was waaaaaay too long for what it was. Something like 130 minutes? Could've been an hour max.

Runner up: Repo: The Genetic Opera, but I still liked it.

The best movie I hated most was Dancer in the Dark by Lars von Trier. It was just so manipulative and depressing that it felt like von Trier was having a laugh seeing how mean he could be. Grief porn..

Some that come to mind:

• Mother!
• Waiting
• Box
• Rock Star
• Gotti
• Taken
• Garden State
• White Man’s Burden

Battleships

If we exclude B class, then it's hands down War of the Worlds (2005). And it's not even about usually wooden presence of Tom Cruise, but at about half movie i totally forgotten that it even was "War of the Worlds" and instead i sleeped on the "Piece of Wood and His Hysterical Daughter on the Run From Who Knows What". I seriously sleeped and it wasn't even evening.

"The flash" had me genuinely gut laughing towards the end. that movie is so bad it folds time and space to be good again.

"Speak no evil." it was a chuddish european movie to begin with; with the aesop of "being too polite as an European will encourage the outsiders to rape your churches and burn your wimmen." The American version is somehow worse. Framing the adaptation with the plight of an "americuck" turning into an "americhad" because he embraced violence against the savage other. And somehow it is made even worse because it ends in an action sequence with a taunting american movie villain we've seen already in 100 Charles Bronson movie clones.

"Flight risk." It is glorious on how off putting it is: It has a Rapey mark Baldberg it has a ton of bad decisions only to keep the movie rolling and some of the most artificial tension ever committed to film, then there's the fact it is a one set movie where the off putting characters yap and yap constantly playing eyerolling "mindgames." But the worst part is the movie is so smug about it. It frames everything with this attitude of "look at us making a true antiwoke American edgy movie." And in reality this shit had me yawning at the mid point. This movie was released when trump took presidency a year ago, with director Mel Gibson lauded as an anti woke ambassador for True American Cinema. (TM) In the following year Mel Gibson has been a b-list actor in some made for tv movies nobody wants to see and producing a "sequel" To his passion of Christ movie nobody wants to see either.

I am kind of excited for the resurrection of Christ with how much cadmium and lead Gibson has floating around in his brain; I'm betting that shit will be terrible. Mel gib sum bad slop please.

Ooh, that's a tough one. Personally, I'd have to go with Airwolf: The Movie (1984). It's a real piece of shit. It's one of those hilariously pro-American things, the main "good guys" are an absurdly heroic Vietnam vet and the mf'ing CIA director. And the bad guys are just some generic middle eastern people, because of course they are. And that's just the movie's terrible politics, it's just a shitty movie all around. Cringeworthy acting, completely stupid script, cheap special effects, forced romance subplot... just bad all around.

The sad thing is, when I was a kid, it was one of my favorite TV shows. I don't specifically remember the movie, but I'm sure I loved it. I thought the helicopter was the coolest thing ever. Seeing it again as an adult, I realize it's just a regular boring TV news chopper with a black paint job and some fake cardboard guns glued on. This fucking movie has no redeeming qualities whatsoever, it's just a godawful propaganda flick.

Suicide Squad, Justice League, Transformers 4

Maximum Overdrive (1986), in terms of falloff... how the hell do you peak in the intro with horrific dark comedy only to end up with a boring grueling mess later on...

Reminder to not adapt your own stories into films on your farts, let alone cocaine, ahem Stephen King...

Freddy Got Fingered by far is the worst movie I have ever seen