88
Those are all real "characters" by the way.
I don't need it.
this post was submitted on 03 Apr 2025
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I find the "aktually games are cheap at 70! they should be 120 if you account for inflation" folks a joke. Game companies have been posting record profits year, after year.
I'm not going to lie to you, I'm gonna be a moo moo main
But the question is: when you run into a ? block and get a hamburger as an item, will you eat it? (A perfect metaphor for capitalism, or something.)
I can't wait for Mario Kart Galaxy where you get to play as the asphalt.
Mario Kart Metaverse, where you can play as the deconstructed dream of an airship from Super Mario 3.
I mean... have you never seen a Mario character name before? Also Cataquack rules.
But yea fuck how expensive modern games are.
Some of these feel like a reach tho. Like what kind of character is cheep cheep.
It's the fish from Mario, it's also in SM64
I should've been clearer, sorry. I know what a cheep cheep is, but there's very little characterization or an interesting-looking model, I don't think it should be s playable character in Mario kart. It's a non-character. It's like saying "the warp pipe is now a playable character in Mario kart"
Call yourself a leftist, but only monarchs like Princess Peach and King Koopa can be characters now, eh? 
It's like saying "the warp pipe is now a playable character in Mario kart"
Ok but I would play warp pipe
Piranha plant is now a playable character, to me that's just barely one step above playable warp pipe.
Bro if you said "what if I could play as a warp pipe" to a Nintendo exec literal dollar signs would flash in their eyes.
Then they'd fire you, incept the idea into Shigeru Miyamoto, and he'd release Super Mario Wonder. Or Odyssey.
I would pick the pipe
I like all the enemy goobers. Monty Mole is one of my favs.
Those are cool looking though! I really like dry bones... but the cheep cheep is meh
why the fuck is this list not alphabetized?
who came up with these names and designs
Must be hard making games for infants for 45 year olds.
Considering unceasing popularity of Nintendo, apparently not.
Lol Dolphin like the GC/Wii emulator
Why does this look like it was made by stable diffusion in 2020?
It probably was, every shit game now is 5 years in production.
Well ok I was on board to join you in dunking on these presumably-made-by-real-people-but-so-low-effort-as-to-be-mistaken-for-terrible-AI-slop-ass characters, but your screenshot showed me that Wiggler is a playable character, so I've actually gotta go get my Nintendo account polished up so I can qualify for the Greedy-Gobbler tier of the pre-order ARG so I can let the least consumer-friendly skinner-box-based-microtransaction-simulator corporation take my kids' school clothes money on day one instead of having to wait and suffer through all the other terrible, boring, old, perfectly good and playable and actually more fun games that you could find by wagging a very short stick around in my house for a solid minute (ask me how I know) and then having to explain to my children how we are actually too poor to let Papa Miyamoto touch our digital currencies in that special way he likes so much (expensively, and on an automatically-recurring basis).
So anyways, thanks for the tip!
Wiggler was already a playable character in MarioKart 8, can't believe I'm surrounded by fake Wiggler fans like this.
The last one I owned was 7 :'(
Pfft, filthy casual. (Not like I got MarioKart 8 in a sale 2 weeks ago or anything like that)
Wiggler
Excuse me? You pay $80 for the privilege of getting to unlock those characters via DLC, how dare you suggest such a pathetic, paltry amount would be enough for so much Value?
I won't lie I did the 
face when I saw the moo moo meadows cow
Fuck you can play as the penguin. Sorry it’s worth it now.
I remember when Diablo 4 came out and they wanted like $80 for it.
I was like, "they're crazy. nobody is gonna pay that."
not even a week goes by, this bozo I knew from high school is bragging about how he got it. dude is BROKE, and blew his scratch on that anyway.
there's a whole ass market segment that will pay whatever is asked so they can be the bragging king of the gamer bozos, clickety clacking with the latest toy.
i forget the term but there's a category of goods where the prestige they have is only because of how expensive they are
As people in the "middle class" are squeezed harder and harder by capitalism and have less money for entertainment, it makes financial sense for companies to try and rebrand videogames from "fun pastime" to "fancy pants expensive hobby with social status attached.
Unless one of them has optimal stats for online play, no one is going to pick these characters. These are just going to be the NPC racers.
I mean, does it really matter? Skill matters about as much in modern Mario Kart games as it does in MAME pach*nko games.
Is this a lil bit 
or has the skill of high level kart play really dropped? I remember the rubberbanding was notorious even in the snes and 64 days but i could still beat the shit out of my friends with the 64s powerslide.
Has that changed? I'm honestly asking as i haven't played akart game since 64
Skill is still definitely relevant, however items like the blue shell and bullet bill are rubber bandier than ever
I remember playing the Wii version online and having to change it to regional because the Japanese players were destroying me.
It's extremely from me, but never enjoyed the Mario Karts after the items got too powerful.
the list is missing Goomar, Who-wah, and Peeshahdoo